CHAPTER THIRTEEN:

January 1st AC 165

Hi, Journal. I guess you are going to become my new best friend for the rest of my life. I am still not sure on why grandmama insisted on giving you to me. Something about being responsible and all of that, but I guess I will take it to heart and I will tell you everything. Everyone is allowed to keep secrets, but guess what Mr. Journal?  You are going to be the keeper of all my secrets. I just hope you remember to keep them to yourself as well.

~&~&~&~&~

“That’s the last of the paperwork, sir. Do you want us to go ahead with the finalization of the deal?”

The assistant coughed at the silence that greeted his query. “Umm…Mr. Yuy, sir? Did you hear my question?”

Odin managed to tear his eyes away from the intimidating picture of the stern-faced man on the wall to stare blankly at the fidgeting man standing next to his desk. “What is it, Withers?”

“About the deal, sir?”

The entrepreneur ran weary fingers through his hair before replying. “Yes, yes. You may go ahead.”

The assistant nodded and began to make his way towards the door, before turning back to face his employer and boss for over ten years. Even he could see that the usually vivacious man looked wan and quite distracted. Not used to telling his boss what to do, he found himself in an awkward position, but Withers knew that the other man needed some sort of support. No matter how much he tried to hide it behind the tough and cool façade. Taking a deep breath and hoping he wasn’t going to be fired for his affrontry, he dared to approach Odin.

“Mr. Yuy, sir. I may not be your psychiatrist, but I am willing to bet that you need to take some time off from work. You look quite…pale and exhausted, if I may say so.”

He waited with abated breath for the snap or angry retort and was quite floored by the quiet reply that came back to him.

“Withers…may I ask you a question? A personal question?”

“Of course, sir. I am willing to answer.”

Tired and sunken, dark eyes stared at clearly worried ones before him. “Be honest with me, Withers. What do you think of me? Personally? How…how do you view me? How does the world see me?”

The assistant thought carefully. He knew that brutal honesty needed to be told and Odin needed it now more than ever. “Odin. You were raised in a home that gave you no chance to know any better in life. You were raised to be the shrewd and astute businessman that you are today. Naturally, you are going to be tough and even brutal to those that are your subordinates, but that is to be expected.”

Odin dismissed it with a wave of his hands. “Am I a good father, Withers?” he asked curtly.

Now the assistant was pretty much floored. “Well, sir. I…I cannot say for sure if you are a good father or not. I cannot judge…but…”

“Be honest, Withers,” came the drawl of exasperation.

“In relation to the way your father raised you, then I would have to say that you are much better.”

“You don’t think I am too rough on Heero?”

“Well…”

Odin stood up abruptly and paced with agitation around the room. “See? Even you think that I am too brutal with him. Good grief! Martha is at my throat telling me that I should be nicer to him. What else can I do? I don’t know what else to do? What? Should I take him to parks and fun places? No one took me to parks or fun places! I was never allowed to have fun! So, why should he?!”

“Because he is your only son….sir…”

“Withers…”

“And deep down inside, sir, you care about that boy more than you let on. You will just have to find another way to prove to him that you can be a much better father. Good day, sir.”

Odin stared after the man with a wistful look on his face, the words ringing an echo inside his head. He could be a better father to his son. He could make things better, before things got out of hand. He walked slowly towards the mini-bar and reached for the whiskey he had left there earlier. Gulping it down quickly, his eyes narrowed as his son’s last cold words seared through him again.

His son hated him and he found to his dawning horror that he could do nothing about it.

~&~&~&~&~

February 13th AC 165

12.01am. I am writing this early because it’s my birthday today. That’s right. I am going to be seventeen and I don’t know what the hell to do. Mother and Father already have a big celebration planned this evening. They hope that I can finally pick a girl to marry or something. A girl that I will have to spend the rest of my life with. But do you want to know something, journal? I don’t think I can ever get myself to really like a girl like that. I guess I will have to marry, for Father’s sake. But deep down inside, there can be only one person for me.

~&~&~&~&~

Heero gave another exasperated sigh as his partner failed to figure out the answer for the umpteenth time. Tapping his pencil against his folder in rapid staccato, he eyed the pouty-faced boy across him.

“Give up?” he drawled lazily.

A fervent shake of chestnut locks indicating a negative response, caused him to flop his head onto the bed and to sigh loudly. “Honestly, Duo. The answer is just to…”

Duo frowned and bit out sharply. “I can figure it out myself, you know. You don’t have to keep telling me the answer all the time.”

“Yeah, well, you have been trying to figure it out since…almost half an hour now…”

“It has not been half an hour…”

“Yes, it has and you know it.”

And so the argument continued. They were both lying on top of Heero’s bed, trying to finish up their advanced calculus assignment and through it all, their stubborn natures had shown through as each had been determined to show who was better at the difficult subject. So far, Heero was winning hands down, for Duo was finding it quite hard to concentrate as his mate had decided that going bare-chested and clad in only boxers was his way of being comfortable. Straying eyes and a wandering mind had caused his attention span to dwindle to practically nothing. He grumbled beneath his breath as Heero stretched out to flex aching muscles.

“You are doing this on purpose, you know,” he muttered out.

Heero looked blank for a moment, before smirking as it finally sunk in. “Oh? Do you want me to get dressed up, then?”

A growl from Duo was his response and before he could get his bearings together, he found himself being straddled and pinned onto the bed. A low moan escaped his mouth as Duo ground their erections together. And swooping down quickly, Duo placed a hungry kiss upon the parted and inviting lips below him. He could still taste the sweet liquid that Heero craved more than anything else (to the slight confusion of Duo. He could never figure out Heero’s obsession with Coke.) and that distinctive unique taste that was just…Heero. Groaning and whimpering as tongues clashed and sparred with each other, Heero wrapped his arms around Duo’s neck and gently turned them over, so as to be the one on top now. Only problem was…

“Ouch…my back…Heero…”

“Hmm?” came the lazy reply, as he continued to worry his mate’s neck with light nips and kisses.

“Heero…” Duo pleaded with a wince. “My back is digging into your goddamn laptop!”

Blinking rapidly, Heero sat up to raise Duo away from the offending object. “Sorry, koi. I didn’t know…”

Beep! Beep!

Both spun around sharply to stare at the new screen that had popped up on Heero’s computer. “Looks like you’ve got mail,” Duo said calmly, as he untangled himself from Heero’s grasp. He was about to scramble to the other side of the bed, when he felt the light tug on his braid. “Ouch! Damn it, Heero!”

“Where do you think you are going to?” the Japanese boy asked, without tearing his eyes away from the screen. With his free hand he typed up his password to access the email, a slow trickle of dread flowing down his spine. He already knew who the mail was from. His father.

“Heero? Could you let me go now?”

“Shssh…I am busy at the moment.” His eyes scanned the letter quickly. It was from his father, alright, and it seemed like Mr. Yuy was still looking for some sort of explanation for his odd behavior last time. His father sounded angry and…hurt. Something Heero found a little hard to digest.

“Is that from your father?” Duo asked softly as he moved closer to the screen.

Heero nodded quietly. “Yes…it is. He is just concerned, that’s all.” And with a quick snap, he shut the laptop. Duo raised an eyebrow at the gesture, but said nothing about it. He was becoming quite good at reading his lover’s thoughts now and this move clearly meant that the conversation on that particular topic was over.

For several minutes, both boys sat on the bed in silence, their minds filled with thoughts they could not say. Heero still had Duo’s braid in his grasp, although he only stroked the tips of it now, almost absentmindedly. Duo stared at his computer screen seeing nothing, the silence threatening to choke him up.

“Umm…Heero?” he began tentatively.

“Hn…”

Okay…   “Did you happen to notice those guys in the Maynard the other day? You know…those guys in the suits and all?”

Duo watched the frown come onto Heero’s face and he felt his heart constrict with fear.

“Hai. I did, Duo. Why?”

The American licked his lips and clasped and unclasped his hands together. “Did…did that email…does it have anything to do with…you know…us?”

Heero finally tore his eyes away from his stare at nothing to pin Prussian blue depths upon the worried violet orbs before him. And speaking in a voice that sounded exasperated, he asked calmly, “What has that got to do with the men we saw?”

Duo winced inwardly at the tone, but kept his voice as steady as ever. “Detectives, Heero. They were detectives…”

“Yeah…so?”

Duo stared incredulously at the icy mask that had fallen upon his lover’s features. “Don’t you think that something might be up or…”

Heero snorted and jumped off the bed to walk into his closet. Picking out a shirt and a pair of pants to dress up in, he replied coldly. “Duo, your paranoia is getting quite old, don’t you think? Why does everything have to be connected to my family? The men who were here were clearly detectives employed by the school for their usual checkups. No, my father is not some crazed lunatic that will go around sending men to spy on me for no reason. So, please, I would appreciate it if you showed me at least that much respect.”

Duo could only gape in disbelief. What had happened to the fun-loving Heero of just a few moments ago? It was as if the email had suddenly replaced the Heero he loved with this…this icebox.

“What the fuck is this?” he retorted angrily. “I was just making a statement and then you have to go all medieval on me!”

Heero ran his fingers through his hair and tucked the shirt within his pants. “I am not the one getting paranoid,” he stated calmly.

“Paranoid?! Paranoid?!” Duo shouted as he stood up on the bed and placed his hands on his hips. “You are the one who is acting all weirded out! I just asked you a question…”

“No, Duo! You did not ask me a question! You were already thinking that my father or my family was responsible for sending people here to spy on us, right? Be honest and admit it!!”

Duo gasped. “I never…”

But Heero wasn’t finished yet. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe, just maybe your own family could be responsible for our misery as well, huh? Or did that escape the great Maxwell intellect?!”

“Fuck you, Heero! You hear me?! Fuck you!!” Duo bellowed as he jumped off the bed and began to gather his things together.

“Oh, so now you are running away. Typical. That’s all you do, isn’t it, Duo?! Can’t face up to something, you just pick up and disappear, right?!”

“You son of a bitch.”

Heero laughed bitterly. “I am a son of a bitch?! Me?! Have you ever wondered what your father was like, Duo? Huh? Have you ever wondered what made him the way he is? Have you ever thought for one second that your father could be the problem here?!”

Duo froze in his movements as he took in the irate boy before him. “What…what are you talking about?” He asked quietly.

Heero nodded curtly. “Wait here. I have a little something to show you.”

Duo clutched his books to himself, trying to quell the growing fear within him. He had seen Heero upset before, but this was beyond him. He watched as Heero came back towards him with something black in his hands. It was a book of some sort and his worry was further heightened as he noticed the faded insignia on the cover.

“Recognize this, Duo?” Heero asked calmly as he shoved the book towards Duo.

With hands that trembled, Duo turned the book over and over. It was unmistakable. This was his father’s book. His father’s personal journal. And Heero had it. How in the world….?

“Your friend, Relena, gave it to me. She thought we might find something interesting in it.”

Duo’s eyes burned with growing anger. How dare they? How dare they insult his father’s privacy? And in a voice that dripped with venom, he bit out coldly. “Why did you read it?”

Blazing blue depths stared back at him in defiance. “As I said, your best friend gave it to me…”

“How the fuck did she get it?!” Duo interrupted with a snap.

Heero shrugged and moved to gather his things together. “How should I know? She just met me in the hallway yesterday and told me to read it.”

“Told you to read my father’s private journal?!”

“She thought it might help. I don’t see how. For the only thing I managed to get so far was that your father was a coward and a liar and doesn’t deserve to be…”

Heero barely saw it coming as Duo had punched him dead-on upon his jaw. Holding his now aching jaw in disbelief, he idly tasted the metallic saltiness of his blood trickle out from the cut on his lower lip. The American was heaving in barely controlled fury, those violet eyes darkening to a shade that was almost pitch black.

“Don’t you dare call my father a coward or a liar. He might be a bastard in life; but by god! You will treat him with respect as well!!”

Heero spat into the wad of tissue he had picked up and smirked lightly. “Respect is a two way street, Duo. I suggest you read it and find out first. Then we will see who has the problem or issue. And now, if you will excuse me, I have to be at the library.”

And giving Duo a curt nod, he walked out of the room without looking back.

~&~&~&~&~

May 15th AC 166

I can officially say it, journal. I have done the impossible. I openly defied my father and got beaten for it, but I can safely say that I felt good afterwards. The bodyguards found out that I had spent the night at Jack’s house again and of course they came to humiliate me. But today, I gave Daddy a piece of his own medicine. I humiliated him as well by saying that I was gay. And to his face, too. You should have seen the look on his face. He hit me then and there, but I didn’t care. The memory of that night with Odin still burned within me and I will never forgive him for doing that to me.

Never.

~&~&~&~&~

Relena hummed to herself as she stacked up the books neatly on the shelf. Working as a volunteer at the library was really beginning to pay off and she loved it as it gave her a chance to flex her other talents. Glancing at her watch, she gasped as she realized that she was late for her meeting with Duo. They were supposed to continue with their rehearsals for Lady Une’s drama class. The presentation was tomorrow and they had barely gotten the scene memorized. Climbing down the ladder, she was just about to make the turn towards the main floor, when she yelped in fright at the figure that had been standing there, silently.

“My god! Duo! You scared me!” She panted out harshly as she held a hand to her chest. Finally regaining her composure, she placed a small smile on her face and spoke again. “What are you doing here, anyway? I thought we were supposed to meet in the gardens?”

It was then that she realized that the Duo before her had no smile or even a reaction on his face. The usually vivacious face was blank and Relena knew that something was definitely not right.

“Ummm…Duo? Is everything okay?” she asked with a slight tremble in her voice. “Do you want to talk about this outside?”

A curt nod was all she received as a reply as Duo led her silently towards the large doors that led out to the luscious school lawns. Stopping beneath a large oak tree, quite a distance from the groups of students that dotted the large expanse of space, Duo finally whipped out the damning book and held it to her face. Not speaking, he raised an eyebrow in question.

Relena gave a sigh of relief and licked her lips. “Oh, that. I was looking for you to give it you personally, but I found Heero instead, and I told him that it was for both of you to look at….”

“You gave Heero Yuy a book that belonged to my father?” Duo asked icily.

Relena shook her head in confusion. “But I thought…I thought you guys were close now and that you would share it and…”

“Relena…” Duo spat out. “This book belongs to my father!! Not Heero’s father! You knew we were going to meet today, you could have at least waited until now to give it to me! How could you do something like this?!”

“Duo…listen to me…”

“How many people have seen this? Huh? How many know the secrets to my father’s past life? Ten? Twenty? The fucking school?!”

Relena stomped her foot in frustration. “You are not listening again, Duo! You always do this when you get upset! Try and hear me out first before jumping to conclusions!”

“Fine! I am listening!”

Relena took a deep breath and began as calmly as she could muster. “I am sorry for giving the book to Heero first, I thought you two were close and so I assumed you would both read it together. I guess I was wrong…”

“How did you get this?”

“Helen gave it to me.”

“Helen??? What the fuck for?”

“She thought, as well as I, that this would help you to see why your father acts the way he does. Can’t you see, Duo? Uncle David was…is just like you. He was raised far worse than you were and he had no one to turn to and that book was all he had. If you could just see past the whole ‘you invaded my father’s privacy’ bit, then you will understand what I am trying to show you. Have you read it at all?”

Duo snorted and turned away. “Yes…” He spun back around to face her, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Fuck! Relena…this…this…”

“I know how you feel, Duo. I wept too the first time I read it. I just wish there was a way we could make things right between them.”

“Yeah, right., Duo retorted. “That would be the day. I don’t blame Heero for feeling angry about this. Dad, did mess up big time, but he was sorry about it. He just wasn’t able to face up to it then…”

“Do you think Odin forgave him?”

Duo rolled his eyes. “Yeah, of course he did, that is why they are the best of friends today. Get real, Relena.”

Silence fell as the two friends got lost in their thoughts. After an eternity, Duo jerked upright and placed his hands upon the girl’s shoulder.

“I’ve got it!!” At Relena’s blank stare, he gushed out excitedly. “I think I know of a way to get them to at least talk or something!”

“You have finally lost it, Duo Maxwell,” Relena said laughing. “So, what is this mega plan of yours?”

The beautiful grin lit up his face. “Oh, don’t worry, Relena. I just have to convince one more person and my plan will be in effect.”

~&~&~&~&~

May 31st AC 166

Odin. Odin. Odin. Odin. Odin and David. David and Odin. Can you tell that I am infatuated, journal? I saw him today at the derby. Their horse won and I saw him smile. It wasn’t much of a smile, but it was there nonetheless. I dream of touching him again and for him to smile for me and only me. I think…I think I am in love with him and I know that he could never love me in return.

Isn’t that sad?

~&~&~&~&~

“Please, Heero! I am sorry, okay? I…We both lost our tempers and maybe we could talk about it, couldn’t we?”

“Get away from me, Duo.”

“Heeeeeeeeero???”

“Duo.”

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaase???”

The shower turned off and a naked Heero stepped out of it to glare at the smiling face before him. Reaching for a towel, he wrapped it around his waist and toweled his hair dry with another, his eyes never leaving the pleading depths before him.

Finally, “It is a stupid plan, Duo. It will never work.”

Duo nodded. “That’s why we should try it and see.”

“Stupid plans never work, Duo. That is a fact of life.”

“And what if this works this time, huh? What if we defy the odds?”

Heero shook his head and turned away before he could drown and lose his resolve in those eyes. “I am not doing it, Duo.”

Duo sighed and slumped his shoulders, before perking up again and placing a cheeky grin on his face. Sliding up to the half-naked body, he wrapped his arms around the lean waist and pressed his lips against the heated and wet skin. Noticing the gasp and tremble from his immobile partner, he chuckled and licked the wet skin with a hungry tongue.

“Not even if I say you get to stay on top for a week?” Duo drawled as he rubbed himself against Heero’s back, his lips not stopping their torturous journey.

Heero bucked unconsciously, thankful that the bathrooms were empty at this time, as Duo continued teasing him. “No, Duo,” he managed to gasp out, although his hand reached for the other’s braid to wrap it gently around his wrist.

Duo snickered and bit his neck. “Not even if I said you could tie me up like you did last time…and fuck me senseless over and over and over and over….”

Heero groaned and twisted around to claim Duo’s lips in a bruising kiss. Moments of exquisite torture later, they released each other and panted with lack of oxygen. Cradling his lover’s face within his palms, Heero said fervently.

“I sincerely hope this crazy idea of yours works, Duo. Or we are going to be in some serious trouble.”

Duo nodded again and wrapped his arms behind his lover’s neck, his grin widening with confidence.

“Oh, I have no doubt it will work my dear, Heero. I just know it will work.”

~&~&~&~&~

July 15th AC 176

My father says I am to marry Eleanor Rimbauer come December. I am only eighteen, journal and Daddy says better earlier than never. Eleanor is a nice girl. She is sixteen and as sweet as a peach. I think she has a crush on me, but then again, it could be my money she is after. They are not that well-to-do, at least by our standards, but she is okay.

I went to the annual polo tournament with her today. She looked great in her white dress. We looked like a married couple already. And everyone kept saying that. I hated it, though.

But, oh, dear god. Who should I see, but the one that had kept me awake at nights? He was there in all his glory.

And guess what, journal? Odin Yuy finally looked at me for the first time in almost a year. It was only a glance, but that was enough.

I think I can safely tell you my greatest secret of all, journal.

I, David Maxwell am head over heels in love with Odin Yuy and my punishment is to live and die with this knowledge for the rest of my life.