Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Yuuri/Wolfram
Warnings: Shounen-ai, Wolfram torture POV, angst, sap/fluff

 

 

 

White Solitude:

It is a hot wind that greets my fevered flesh as I step out to the balcony to get some much-needed fresh air. I lift my hands slowly, staring at and willing them to stop their incessant trembling. My mind is all in a mess – a confused jumble of thoughts that range from anger to jealousy and yet undeniable fear.

I can still hear their raised voices in the background and I stumble forward, my hands gripping the stone balustrades before me as I try to suck in huge gulps of air into my constricting lungs.

He is yelling – his voice growing louder by the second as my older brother tries to make him see reason. He can’t stay, he says. He’s got a very important championship game in less than a day and there’s no way he can stay for the ceremony. He hasn’t had the time to practice and his teammates are depending on him! Couldn’t we stop being so selfish and let him do what he wants for once?!

My grip tightens and I barely feel the hard stone begin to dig into my palms. I grit my teeth and close my eyes, unwilling to show just how much each word he says, continues to stab my heart a million times over.

How could he say something like that? Hadn’t anything we had experienced in the past few months meant anything to him? Was this game of his so important that it would take precedence over an event that I have – albeit reluctantly – been looking forward to since the moment I fell in lo…

CRASH!

I spin around quickly, eyes widened in shock as I watch him stomp out of the room like a raging storm. His eyes are even darker than usual – and he isn’t even in his Maou form which is the most surprising. His steps are deliberate and determined, his lips set in a firm line of disapproval. He easily slips out of both Gwendal and Günter’s grasp and although Conrad makes an attempt to stop him as well, I can see that it is a rather weak one.

I have always known that Conrad, my stepbrother unfortunately, always had a weak spot for my fiancé, but this was the last straw. I would not allow it!

Clenching my hands into fists, I take a deep breath and promptly place myself in front of him to block his path. For a minute it looks as if he is going to knock me down as he makes no attempt to stop walking. But finally, and to my inward relief, he does stop.

“Please let me go, Wolfram,” he says with a small smile. “We’ll talk about this when I return, okay?”

“And what makes you think I’ll want you back when you return?” I reply coldly somehow knowing that this is going to be my last chance to make him stay. We have already had this argument before which was why I had come out to get some air in the first place. But he isn’t the only one who can be stubborn. I have to put my foot down and this time I have no intention of letting him go back to that world of his without a fight.

He eyes me for a long moment before running fingers through his dark locks in obvious frustration. “We’ve been through this already, Wolfram,” he says a tad bit impatiently. “I’ll come back and then we can have the stupid ceremony…”

I watch as he gives a small gasp at what he had said. The anger and frustration on his face quickly becomes one of sincere apology but we both know that the damage has been done. I stagger backwards, feeling an undeniable surge of pain so deep sear through my heart at his callous choice of words. I ought to hit him right now. I ought to slap that handsome face of his and end this misery quickly. But I can’t. For as much as I long to do that, it would only cause more damage and I didn’t want to lose him that quickly.

“Wolfram, I’m so sorry. You know I didn’t mean that. I was just…”

I turn away and say as calmly as I can, quite surprised to find my voice is steady but yet cold. “Go to your game, Yuuri.”

“Wolfram!” Gunter suddenly cries out in surprise. “But the ceremony…?”

I glare angrily at him. “He’s your King, ne?! Do as you are told and let him go! No one needs him here anyway!” I spin on my heels to walk away but then stop and turn back to face both Yuuri and Conrad, who always seems to be a permanent fixture by his side. “And this time around, do us a favor and don’t bother coming back.”

“Wolfram!” come the simultaneous cries of disbelief from whom? I couldn’t tell you. I am too angry and hurt to really care. I quicken my steps and soon find myself running down the hallway, the sting behind my eyes burning hotter with each step I take. He was always a selfish human – always thinking about himself and his own needs than for others especially his own people! And to think that I have weakened to such an extent that he can affect me like this.

Slamming the door shut behind me, I sink to the floor finally safe and sound in the refuge of my own room. I raise my knees and wrap my arms around them, seeking a comfort that I might not find in a long time.

Stupid ceremony…

Perhaps it is stupid. Yes, the whole thing had been a stupid idea from the beginning. He had slapped me without knowing the custom. He hadn’t wanted to be married to someone like me and he had made that clear from the start. I was rightfully angry as well. Of course I had every right to be. How would you feel if you suddenly found out that your whole life was going to belong to someone who wasn’t even a real demon? How would you feel if you knew that he was so obsessed with a game that even his royal duties would be tossed by the wayside? It didn’t help that he seemed to have some sort of affection for my older half-brother; after all, Conrad was half human and had seen their human ways. It was only natural that they would both have an understanding of each other. He has always favored Conrad over me.

I lift my head slowly, my blurred gaze drifting towards the pristine white uniform that had been specially made for the party tomorrow night. I can still see my mother’s gushing and happy visage as she talked about all the plans she had made for the great ceremony. It wasn’t the wedding day, per se, but rather a celebration of our engagement. It was a time for us to allow the commoners a chance at meeting the future King and his fiancé face-to-face. The wedding itself would be all pomp and glory. My mother was bound to make sure of that.

Stupid ceremony…

I groan and close my eyes again, trying to force the hurtful words away from my mind. I cannot even muster enough anger at the moment to throw something or smash a few things around. My disappointment is so great that I feel as if I might never leave my room for the rest of my life. I do not dare show my face to anyone right now. Knowing that the King had chosen a baseball game over our engagement celebration is a serious and crushing blow to my pride.

~*~

I open up my eyes with a start and then wince in pain as the muscles in my legs protest the sudden movement. I realize that I must have fallen asleep on the floor. My face feels a bit strange and as I lift my fingers to touch it, I see that tears that I must have shed have dried up on my skin. Feeling embarrassed at the thought that I had cried myself to sleep, I get to my feet and stumble towards the wash basin to wipe my face clean as quickly as I can. It is now dark outside – probably early evening as a few traces of the sun’s golden hue mix with the night to form a purplish haze.

It is oddly quiet outside but I still cannot get myself to leave my room. I am sure that Yuuri’s no longer here and just thinking of him now has caused my melancholic mood to return again. Sighing softly, I place my chin in my hands and eye the uniform which continues to hang innocuously before me. It is almost like my regular uniform except for the matching white fur-lined cape which I have to drape over my shoulders.

I wonder if it will fit me now…

Gah! I shake my head quickly and scowl in irritation at my thoughts. What was the use of wearing something that wasn’t going to be used after all? It had all been a waste of time in the end.

But since you aren’t going to have an opportunity to wear it…why don’t you try it on now and pretend? There’s no one here to see you…

Ah, that damning voice in my head. I wonder why I tend to listen to it so much. But there is no denying that it does have a point. It was just going to be for pretend. No one would even know I have tried it on. It wasn’t going to be worn again, so I might as well just swallow my injured pride and do it.

Nodding firmly to myself, I begin to take off my clothes quickly; my heart and mind racing with thoughts and possible excuses to make if someone does walk in to catch me in the act. Would they regard my actions as being too weak? Too soft-hearted? To attached to a boy who didn’t really care for me?

My hands still as they try to reach for the uniform. I stand naked in the middle of my room, wondering why I am trying so hard to please someone like Yuuri. But I know why. Deep down in my heart, I know the reason for it but it would take a herd of malicious demons walking all over me to get my confession out to the open.

“Yuuri, you idiot,” I curse softly as I finally tug the uniform towards me. “You…you…fool!”

It is a perfect fit as it had been designed to be. I attach the celebratory gold sword to my waist and then reach for the cape to drape it over my shoulders. I clasp it tightly with the solid gold crest – an emblem of our commitment to one another – and then step back a little to eye my reflection in the large mirror. There is one final touch to complete the picture and as I run towards the small cabinet where it’s been kept safely, I try to stop my hands from trembling too much at the enormity of what I am about to do. I remind myself that it is just for pretend and that no one ever need know. Those words, somehow, get me feeling a little at ease again.

I open up the small doors and sitting upon a small red cushion is the gold headband that all ‘brides’ were required to wear on such an occasion. In the dull gloom of my room, it seems to glow brilliantly. I gasp softly in awe at how beautiful it is and before I can stop myself, I place it gently upon my head before pushing it down until it is wrapped snuggly around it.

I step up to the mirror again and cannot help the smile that comes to my visage as I stare at myself in awe. So this is what I would have looked like at the ceremony. I twirl around a little and then dart a furtive glance around in the hopes that no one had seen my little girlish performance. But I can’t help it. I look and feel…

Alone.

I hold out my hands and shake my head again. I am resolved to continue my game of pretend, even if it hurts like hell.

I am in the Grand Hall. I am walking slowly down the aisle as the procession music echoes in the background. Yuuri is on the top most stairs, dressed in his black suit with his red cape and gold crown. He has a warm smile for me and looks too handsome for his own good on this our special day.

I blush and lower my gaze, feeling incredibly shy all of a sudden. Somehow I manage to walk up those stairs to stand beside him. My heart flutters ever so quickly; my eyes trained on him and only him as he takes my hand and says in that wonderful voice of his.

“I take you to be my bride from this day forward. To be by my side through thick and thin. And I solemnly swear to protect you with my whole life.”

Ah! What am I doing?! I hide my face within my hands and try to even my rapid breathing. This is so embarrassing. I cannot believe that I am doing this…so why can’t I stop trembling in excitement and anticipation? It wasn’t going to happen so why should I feel this way?

“Yuuri…” I whisper thickly, feeling a sudden weight of sadness fill my heart. “Why…? Why are you such a fool?”

“Because I am your fool, Wolfram. And I will always be your fool…”

I gasp in shock at the sudden voice that fills my ear. I drop my hands quickly and make an attempt to turn only to find myself trapped within his embrace as he pulls me tighter against his body. My eyes widen in surprise and shock, my glance darting towards the mirror to see that he really is behind me!

“Let me…let me go!!” I cry out furtively. I can feel my skin burning with humiliation as I struggle within his arms. I cannot even bear to look at him in the face. Why? Oh why did he have to come in with me dressed like this?! “Why aren’t you at your stupid game?!” I ask almost desperately. His breath against my exposed neck is more than I can bear.

“I figured that I could make it on time for the ceremony and play my game as well, Wolfram,” he explains with a sheepish look. “I had forgotten that time here moves much faster than over there. So…I…”

“Let me go!!” I finally push him away and stumble backwards, only to collapse heavily on my bed as my knees give way. I muster up enough resentment to glare coldly at him. “Didn’t I tell you not to come back? I don’t need you here anymore.”

He scratches his head and gives me that familiar lopsided but damn lovable grin of his. “I don’t blame you for hating me now,” he says quickly. He proceeds to scratch his nose and I am not sure, but I am certain a look of pain flashed within those eyes of his for a minute. “I just wanted to apologize to you for saying what I did back there and I did knock several times and when you didn’t answer, I came in and saw…”

I stiffen as I watch his cheeks flood with color. It is my turn to look flabbergasted. What is there to get embarrassed about? I’m the one in a wedding suit!

“Hmph!” I snort and turn my face away, wondering why my own blush isn’t fading in the slightest. “Go ahead and laugh, Yuuri. See if I care!”

“How can I laugh at someone who looks as beautiful as you?”

My cheeks feel incredibly hot at how sincere that sentence sounds and I must have said or done something because he goes into his usual sheepish mode again. “Ah, sorry, sorry!” he says quickly. “That was a stupid thing to say, ne? I mean, you already know you’re pretty so you don’t need me to say it again…”

“Why did you come back, Yuuri?” I ask quietly as his words trail off again. I lower my gaze and try not to look as miserable as I feel inside. He had only come back because he felt it was an obligation. He hadn’t come back because of me…had he?

But as I feel the sudden warmth of his hand beneath my chin as he forces me to meet his gaze, I can only stare helplessly into those dark depths of his. Oddly enough, he is on one knee and I am reminded of something so eloquent and elegant about men who usually do this to their ladies.

"I came back because I…I…”

You what?! I scream inwardly as I watch the gamut of expressions run across his features. He isn’t sure of what he’s feeling either but the warm and heartfelt smile he settles for, does more to rattle my nerves and to make my heart beat so much faster.

Because I want to share our special day with you,” he finally says softly. “I was foolish to put my game before you and you can be sure that it won’t happen again.”

Perhaps it is my imagination, but I swear that Yuuri seems to be much closer than before. I feel ridiculously giddy but yet feverish as my gaze drifts to his lips. He is saying something but I can barely hear a word. He came back for me after all! The fool…my fool…came back because he wanted to be with me!

Oh but why does it feel as if I am about to float away? I can feel his breath – warm and soft – against my parted lips. I allow my lashes to drift closed as I am unable to stare into those beautiful black eyes of his any longer. I know what he is about to do and I am not going to stop him.

Yes, Yuuri…kiss me…now…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”

We pull apart so quickly that Yuuri ends up falling flat on his rear on the floor. My anger knows no bounds as I stand up quickly to give our impromptu visitor a piece of my mind. But before I can will my frazzled thoughts into coherency, a flash of white and then Gunter’s face is suddenly inches before mine.

It’s bad luck, Wolfram!!!” he screams frantically as he begins to usher me out of the room quickly. “Don’t you know it’s bad luck for the groom to see his bride before the ceremony?!!”

Bad…luck?? I hadn’t heard of that one before. What in the world is he talking about?

But I can hardly get a word in as Gunter has begun a lecture of all the pros and cons of Yuuri seeing me dressed like this. Somehow I manage to steal a quick glance at my future mate still sitting on the floor in the middle of my room. And as our eyes meet, he gives me a quick wink and a light wave.

My heart skips a beat in giddy anticipation. His gaze had held so much promise for our future and I for one cannot wait to make them come to fruition.


~Owari~