~*~*Obsessions *~*~

It's raining again. Seems like it happens every other day now. It is dark, wet and dreary outside and even within these warm confines of my so-called haven, I can almost feel the cold drops caress my feverish skin. I must be coming down with the flu... but then again... it could just be my foolish thoughts and me.

I raise my head and smile, absentmindedly, at the greetings that come my way. It is the same every time. That cold feeling of detachment from the rest of the world. They all smile and congratulate me on yet another wonderful victory. I make it seem so easy, they say. I must have the touch of the gods to be this good at such an age.

Feh...if they only knew.

I am nothing compared to...him.

No! I refuse to think of him again. The effort alone does more to make me more insecure about my own abilities. But why do I doubt my own strength at the mere thought of his name? Why do I feel like there is so much more for me to do? Why do I get this sense of helplessness at having to face him in a real match? I know my own strength. I am stronger than he is. I have told myself this over and over again.

You can chase me for as long as you like. I have no time for you. My goal is to be as good as my father, if not better. I do not have time for you!

But then again...who am I deceiving?

I can pretend for as long as I like. I can study a million and one kifu just to figure out the puzzle that you have become in my life. How it is that you can change so easily from one day to the next? Studying you has almost become second nature to me.

Ichikawa-san said something to me the other day. Something that I had denied and still deny vehemently, but now that I think of it...she just might have a point there. She said that I acted like a man... obsessed.

Am I really that obsessed with you?

Perhaps so. After all, you have haunted my mind and dreams for so long. Did Fate send you to me on that quiet summer afternoon? Was I destined to spend the rest of my life playing a wild game of cat and mouse with you?

Kuwabara-sensei said that I brought you into the world of pros. Should I regret that? Should I continue to look over my shoulder thinking about your every move and action? Should I continue to struggle within myself, needing to know the real you?

Hai...I am obsessed.

A man driven to the brink of despair and near insanity, all in his quest to seek the truth. You drive me insane. You make me want to lose all my inhibitions. You make me want to strangle you and yet...to cherish every precious moment within your presence.

Are you frightened of me at all? Have I ever made you quake in fear? What is that strange light I see in your eyes every time we meet? Is there something you aren't telling me? Why? Why won't you let me into your world? What is this secret that you keep, that makes me want to never let go?

There it is again. That warm almost hot feeling that fills my chest. I place a hand upon it, feeling my heart pound fiercely within my body. I close my eyes, taking in slow deep breaths to calm myself. Funny...you always make me lose my cool even when you are not around.

Such power you have over me. I almost envy you.

Many have tried to send that fear through me. Many have tried to bring down the great Touya Akira with taunting words or mean-spirited glares. But I have built a wall to block them all out. It is a wall, so unshakeable and strong that it sends everyone that comes close to it, scurrying back in fear.

But you never show fear. You are the only one that has found the way through it. And you are determined to make it crumble to the ground, aren't you?

But, I won't let you do that! I swear it; I will fight you to the bitter end before I let you get too close! Nobody makes a fool out of Touya Akira!

"Oi...Touya...aren't you ever going to play? You are taking an awfully long time to think. I have to get back home by eight, remember?"

"Eh? Oh...s...sorry." I stare at the board and finally place my stone on it before smirking in quiet satisfaction. "You have lost, Shindo."

"Wha...?? Aaaaargghh!! This is what happens when I sit here listening to you think! I am going home!"

"Same time next Thursday, Shindo?"

"Hmph! Whatever you say, Touya. See you around."

I watch him leave, the small smile dying on my lips as the hot feeling in my chest slowly ebbs into a dull coldness.

Hai, next Thursday, Shindo Hikaru. We will continue this little game of cat and mouse until one of us finally gives up the fight.

But until then...my obsession continues as I carefully place the stones on the board recreating our game all over again.

Hmm...it is raining heavier now. Perhaps Ichikawa-san could drive me home...