Nozomi o Kakeru (To Hope)

So, he has finally become a pro. I assume that congratulations are now in order, ne? I still can’t believe that it was just barely three years ago that he stunned us all with the news that he was going to become an Insei.

Damn him!

The only reason I had joined the stupid club in the first place was all thanks to his persistent and forceful attitude…and the fact that he had won back my thousand yen from that bastard at the club. It’s still a mystery to me as to how he did it, because I for one, knew how strong Shindo was at the time…well, later on. But that is beside the point for now.

He has become a professional Go player, something that I had never imagined would happen in my wildest dreams although I had always known at the back of my mind that there was something special about the loudmouth.

Shindo Hikaru.

He had seemed to come out from nowhere.

I had lived a pretty normal albeit boring life, cheating my way out of games at the local Go salon that I frequented. Little did I know that the owner had had it out for me for a while and had found some sleaze-ball to con me in return.

I liked my lifestyle - don’t get me wrong. I loved to see the way the old guys looked as they realized that had lost yet again to me. The feel of the crisp and easy money I made from these matches, made me feel pretty good inside…or did it? Hell, what difference does it make now? Point is I got screwed pretty badly and in front of Shindo, no less.

He had looked like a busybody. A know-it-all. Someone ready to bug me to death and all for what? Just to join some silly Go club that hardly had any members. They had put up some problem on a poster board as a recruiting device and I had solved it just for the fun of it. I really had no intentions of joining…although I will admit that I had been just a tad bit curious and I had snuck in a few times after school to see what the place looked like.

It had only been Tsutsui (a third year student at the time), Shindo and that girl, Akari back then and those three looked pretty much lonesome. But I didn’t care. As long as I made my money the easy way, I was cool, right? Wrong! I couldn’t show my face at the Go Salon anymore, thanks to my lesson and then it hit me that I probably wouldn’t be welcomed anywhere else.

But Shindo had talked me into joining. Let me rephrase that. He had literally dragged me into the club and I had had to deal with Tsutsui, who had this ‘holier than thou’ attitude that really grated on my nerves at the time. And so, I did what came naturally to me…I cheated playing a game with him. Needless to say, good ol’ Tsutsui did not appreciate my kind of style and if it wasn’t for Shindo’s desperate plea for an extra teammate for some competition, I knew I wouldn’t have joined.

But since the school Kaio was mentioned, I just couldn’t resist the urge to show my skills to that stuck up school. I was going to compete and since I was the strongest out of us three, I was made the first board. Tsutsui was second and Shindo third, because quite frankly, the guy sucked. I really couldn’t understand the reason for Touya Akira, the Touya Akira’s vehement need to play against Shindo. Perhaps he had seen something back then that I can only see now - the pure talent that was within Shindo Hikaru.

But we lost the competition to Kaio. An embarrassing 3-0 loss, but I will admit, it was a learning experience for all of us. We began to practice harder in anticipation for the next tournament. I was more than ready to go back to show those bastards just how good we really were. Spending every afternoon with Shindo in that classroom, playing Go in companionable silence had gradually become the highpoint of my days. There were some days when we didn’t even practice at all and we would goof off and play dumb games with each other.

Most importantly…we laughed.

I couldn’t remember ever laughing so hard or having so much fun with anyone in my life. Shindo could make the corniest jokes and somehow they would end up making me want to laugh and never stop. I would find myself almost skipping to the science lab after school, knowing that his face and his loud voice would always be there, ready to welcome me.

Little did I know that all too soon, Go would take him away from me.

On that fateful day, I could still remember the words as they fell from his lips.

“I am going to take the exams to become an Insei.”

Was he that stupid?! Couldn’t he see that once he became one, it would be all over?! Apparently he didn’t. He never was one for thinking too far ahead, was he? My initial feelings of shock turned to dull anger and betrayal. How could he? How could he bring me into this new world and then want to walk away? Why would he leave me all alone? I didn’t want to be alone. I knew that once he became an Insei, I would see no longer see him as much as I wanted to.

My rash decision – if Shindo left, then I had no more reason to be in the club. Shindo had brought me here and since there wasn’t going to be a Shindo, there would be no Mitani, either.

And then he had to show up. It was all Kaga’s fault. The third year senior had made me open my eyes. I was being too selfish and self-centered. I should have been happy for Shindo. I should have been more encouraging instead of being ready to wish him a quick downfall. I should have been more of a…friend.

“Our final game…Shindo.”

After this…no more. He will no longer be on the same level as I am. He will want to chase after the improbable ghost of Touya Akira, while I stay behind. Every stone I placed on the goban, was like a stab in my heart. He was going to beat me. I could already tell. My heart wasn’t in the game, no matter how hard I tried to prove to him that I was the stronger. But, Shindo had grown. He had absorbed every single move and play that we had gone through together. I had fought the urge to break down, to beg him to stay and never leave. I had been ready to make wild promises. To let him know that I would do my utmost best to recruit as many members as possible, if only he would stay.

But a good friend doesn’t do that, ne? Was I ever a really good friend to you…Shindo?

And so you left us after all. You passed your Insei test and school became an extra burden for you. You would miss days at a time, since that seemed to take up your hours now. I would find myself strolling towards the science room after school, praying and hoping that maybe you had changed your mind and would come back to us. But no…it was only Akari and her friends.

It is so lonely without you, Shindo.

But that girl, Akari…is quite strong. She is determined not to let the club die and as I sat down feeling sorry for myself, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I could not let the club die. I knew how much he had put his heart and soul into making it work and here I was trying to destroy that dream.

I knew I had to make it up to him somehow. I had betrayed him enough and I was going to do my best to make sure that his goals for the club wouldn’t go to waste. I wasn’t the president, had no interest in becoming one, but I would participate. I would even attend the final competitions before going to High School and who knows, we might end up beating Kaio for the first time ever.

Huh? Why does he look like he’s suddenly afraid of me? I know we haven’t spoken or seen in other for a while, but we are still friends, aren’t we, Shindo?

“So, I hear you are now a Pro?”

 “Ye…yeah…”

So, this is the end, isn’t it, Shindo? We are no longer on the same playing field. You are now in a world that is beyond my imagination and I can only watch you from afar now. My heart seems to be breaking, but I cannot tell you that, can I? I have to be strong for you. I have to be supportive. After all, that’s what friends do, right?

“Congratulations and good luck to you,” I finally manage to say, quite surprised at how steady and calm my outward appearance seems. He looks shocked at my response, but smiles in relief as if I had finally given him the go-ahead. Was that what you were waiting for, Shindo? For my final approval? Somehow I doubt that, but still, it is nice to know that my opinion matters to you.

I turn to walk away, but then stop as the sudden urge to say something fills my mind.

“Oi…Shindo…”

“What is it, Mitani?”

I smirk and wink playfully. “Don’t be surprised to find me in that Pro world of yours someday. I will end up chasing after you too.”

I almost laugh at the shocked expression on his visage at this point and suddenly feeling more light-hearted, I run down the stairs and out into the early evening.

Yeah…maybe someday, Shindo. You and I can be together again…

~ Owari ~