PART ONE:

The warm wet sprays of the shower beat a heavy staccato against his bronzed skin. With his head bowed and his eyes closed, he could almost imagine that the day had never happened.

Almost.

He could still hear the nasal pitiable voice in his mind. It danced around his weary brain like a petulant child.

He would never be a real father. And it wasn’t his fault.

The announcement had almost made him laugh. It was too ludicrous. It had been too ridiculous at the time. They were healthy, young, virile and full of life…

~ She will never be able to create life. ~

But it was a dull rage that had filled his being instead. How dare they? How dare they deprive him of the one thing that he wanted more than anything else in the world? A son or a daughter to call his own…from the woman he…

~ Loved? ~

Of course he loved her. He had married her, hadn’t he? They had met in the most unlikely of ways…at a casino. She had been a booker, he a struggling writer from Mars. She had cheated throughout the game. He had fallen hard for those devilish green eyes. She had laughed at him. He had forgotten life around him. He had wanted to run his fingers through those darned purple locks. She had tempted him, suckered him in. He, who had never believed in that fickle thing called ‘love’, had become Faye Valentine’s pawn.

He hadn’t minded. She had cleaned him out. He would continue to visit the casino every weekend hoping to catch a glimpse of her. For two weeks, he had done that. Finally, she returned, and things had been back to normal. He had worked up the nerve to ask her out and had been surprised at her quick response. Like a teenager in love, he had waited for her. Always hidden behind the large blackjack table, he had been pleasantly surprised to find that she did have amazing legs to match the likewise breathtaking upper body.

They had gone out to dinner. He had told her everything. Something he had never done before. He couldn’t stop talking and she had listened through it all, her bright green eyes, dancing with mirth and warmth as he wove each spell of wonder. There had been light caresses, long glances, blushes and hapless grins. He had sneaked into her workplace during the day (she had been working as a cashier at a local grocery store), dropping off flowers or little poems he had written. She was his green-eyed angel. She was his muse. His inspiration.

His first book had finally been published.

They had celebrated with their first really expensive dinner. He had taken good care of her. They had gotten a bit tipsy and then…

~ Faye…~

He had touched her. For the first time in his life, he had felt complete. It had been a magical moment that both had never forgotten. She had smelt like jasmine…she still smells like jasmine. She had tasted like a potent wine that he had gladly gotten himself drunk on. She had sounded like a bird, her screams of ecstasy bouncing off the walls and into his ears like the smooth melodic sounds of crashing waves. He had told her he loved her. She had melted into his arms.

He knew then that he had to have her for life.

They did not have a big fancy wedding. It hadn’t even been a small one either. He had waited for her to leave work and they had made their way straight to City Hall. She had at least worn something fitting. It had been her cream colored sundress. It had contrasted sharply with her purple hair, but back then, she would have looked good with a garbage bag on. It had been quick and the ring…a simple gold band. Vows had been taken and a new life had begun anew.

With the money he had begun to make from the success of his book, they had bought a bigger apartment in Jupiter. They had spent every waking minute together, working on their modest surroundings, trying to make married life an easy one. He had begun working in his offices downtown and she had quit her job. She had wanted to be the perfect housewife (a running joke between them, for Faye could put up quite a challenge when provoked). She had always been home whenever he returned. She had always had a kind word and a good listening ear. He enjoyed talking to her. He enjoyed being with her.

Until the day he had brought it up.

Two years into their relationship, he had decided that it was time for them to have babies. The excitement in her voice had made the decision all worthwhile. They had both transformed an extra storage room into a nursery. They had bought baby books and spent every waking moment finding out things to make their upcoming little one comfortable. Every night would be spent in each other’s arms picking out names. They had finally settled on Spike (for a boy) and Annabelle (for a girl)…although he had thought Annabelle a bit too funny.

And then they had waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Nothing.

His male pride had eaten at him, wondering if he was the cause. It had taken a lot of personal beating to confront her with the issue. He had offered to go the doctor himself. He might have been…impotent. He shuddered at the word. But she had understood, and had supported him. He had never been so worried or scared in his life. Awaiting the doctor’s verdict was like waiting for a time bomb to explode. To his enormous delight and relief, the results had turned out negative. No…he did not have any problems as far as they could see…would Mrs. Spiegel like to have a test as well?

He had been a bit surprised at the vehement ‘no’ she had given, but he had not wanted to rush her. They would keep trying. And they did.

It had begun to wear him down. It seemed like they were having sex for nothing. Tensions had begun to rise and they had found themselves snapping at each other for no reason. Things had become so bad, that for a while, she had not allowed him to stay in bed with her. She would cringe whenever he made an attempt to touch her and the bags of fatigue beneath her eyes weren’t helping matters either. He had gotten sick of all the ‘fake’ pregnancy test things. He had yelled at her then…and she had yelled back.

Their first major fight.

Just when he thought he was going to go insane, she had finally made up her mind to go to the hospital. She had looked pale and drawn and extremely tired and at that moment, he had wanted nothing more than to kill himself for being such a heartless fool. She was going through the same things too, but he had been too caught up in his own self-pity to take notice.

// I am with you 100% of the way. //

Or was he?

They had been silent throughout the wait. She must have known. They both must have known deep down, that she was the problem.

Process of elimination.

They had both watched the doctor come in, his usual gentle features tightened in a worried and understanding look at the same time. And then the damned words had come out of his mouth.

// We have run a series of tests on you, Mrs. Spiegel and we are sorry to say this, but…your…your reproductive organs are not well equipped to handle the trauma of childbirth…//

Trauma? Not well equipped? Had they been talking about a goddamn machine?!

The doctor had rambled on and on, and he had heard nothing else. The hysterical laughter had threatened to burst out of his throat and he had unconsciously released the grip he had had on her hands.

// She will not be able to conceive. //

The rage had slowly begun to replace the laughter. He had wanted to scream out in frustration. After all this time…she was at fault. They could never have children and it would take wild horses to pull out his teeth before he adopted.

He wanted his own flesh and blood, goddammit!!

And she would never be able to do that for him.

She would never be able to grant him that simple wish.

And for that…

He hated her.