Rating: PG-13
Pairings: None
Warnings: Angst
Disclaimers: Main characters are properties of Bandai and Studio Sunrise. I make no money off them.
Summary: A mysterious woman’s visit to the orphanage has Sister Helen asking questions.
Once a week for the past month or so, the small black car could be seen parked across the street from the back gardens of the small church.
Sister Helen had thought nothing of it, as it wasn’t unusual to see such cars going up and down these roads – especially since it looked like it belonged to a Federation official. The young nun smiled softly as she listened idly to the sounds of the children laughing in the makeshift playground. In their midst, one stood out, his voice extremely loud and brash as he began to take charge of the situation again.
Today, they were playing Federation versus the People.
Many of the children didn’t want to be in the Federation camp, but whatever the long-haired boy suggested would have to be taken or else. Sure a few had cried and run to her complaining about the boy’s authoritarian and dictatorship-like rule, but all she had done was give them a warm smile and a kiss on their tear-streaked cheeks and ushered them away again. That always did seem to do the trick.
“Everyone hide!! The Federation army is coming!”
She chuckled softly to herself as said army began to chase after the innocent victims with loud bellows and accompanying shrieks of supposed terror. She glanced towards the playground again, wondering what the ringleader was doing and was quite surprised to find him standing on a pile of bricks with a rather blank expression on his features. He seemed to be watching the proceedings rather passively – like a war General surveying a chaos he has brought to the masses.
She sighed and turned her head towards the black car again. Its windows were tinted and it made it hard to see the occupants within it. She had never noticed anyone come out of the car before which made the whole thing seem a bit ominous. She hoped it wasn’t some official scouting the grounds for potential soldiers – the very thought alone was enough to send her shivering in fear and worry. It wasn’t uncommon for the officers to kidnap or pick up children from the streets to use them for their own wicked intent. But the church and orphanage were off limits according to an agreement between the leaders and the Organization. The children within its walls would be left alone – at least she hoped it would remain that way.
She was jerked out of her reverie as the car began to pull away from its parked position. Helen glanced at the large clock that graced the church’s tower.
Exactly fifteen minutes.
Their visitor did the same thing every time. They would come during playtime for the children and then leave just as silently as they had arrived.
Another month went by and at this time, the young nun was quite accustomed to seeing the vehicle make its weekly trips. Nothing drastic had happened…yet. There were no kids reported missing from the orphanage and no one had been accosted by any officials yet. Everything was fine and Father Maxwell had reassured her that all was well. As long as no one made any threats to them, there really was nothing they could do about the mysterious black car that visited them each week.
She tightened the belt around her waist, making sure that the raincoat was well secured across her body. It was a particularly heavy downpour this evening and no one had really expected it to happen. She had a feeling that the weather control offices were having yet another bad day. Smiling softly to herself, she made her way out of the building to make sure the gates were secure for the night, idly listening to the soothing sounds of the children being taught some Christmas songs by Sister Margaret in the chorus room.
Speaking of Christmas, she would really have to get some more decorations for their tree. Last year, the children had had a wonderful time putting them up…
“Oh…”
She was hardly aware she had given the soft cry of surprise as she almost bumped into the still figure standing at the very entrance to the orphanage. It was clearly a woman, who was dressed in a simple but quite expensive brown trench coat. Her long brown or black (the Sister could barely tell as it was relatively dark) long hair lay in thick clumps around her face and upon her shoulders like a heavy cloak. She had been staring at the children’s sleeping quarters with a wistful expression on her young face. One could make out the shadows of the little ones bouncing or running around in their rooms – even though it was supposed to be their lights out for the night.
“May…may I help you, miss?” the kind nun asked with a warm smile. “You must come out of the rain. You are absolutely soaked to the skin.”
The woman barely turned her head to acknowledge the other’s presence.
“Would you like to meet with Father Maxwell?” Helen tried again. Perhaps the woman was deaf and dumb. It wasn’t uncommon to see such people. Perhaps she should try using sign language.
“Miss…would you…?”
“He’s all grown up now, isn’t he?” came the soft question that had the nun blinking in surprise.
The mysterious lady’s voice was quite unusual. She had an accent that could only mean that she must have come from the Northern part of the Americas. She looked a bit too refined for the brashness of L2. Perhaps she was a first time visitor to the colony, but then again…
“Who has grown up now, miss? We have lots of children in here…”
The woman suddenly burst into a bitter laugh. “I bet he wouldn’t even know who I am.”
It immediately dawned on the nun that perhaps this woman must have a child that had been sent here to the Orphanage. But how could a woman like this possibly want to leave her child here? And just whose mother was she? She looked incredibly young despite her sophisticated appearance and Helen could see that she was clenching and unclenching her fists with each word she spoke.
“What is your son’s name?” she prodded amiably although she really wished they would go inside. It was really beginning to get cold.
“He was nameless. I was nameless too,” the woman replied with another bitter snicker. “They made me choose, you know?”
Sister Helen didn’t quite know what to say.
“They said ‘Either he goes or you go!’ What was I supposed to do?”
“I…”
“I had no money. I was what…sixteen? How the hell was I supposed to take care of the kid?”
“Oh dear…”
“I was working that night, you know,” she began and surprisingly through all of this, she had not once looked at the nun. Her gaze was still stubbornly fixed upon the windows above her. “This army guy comes in looking for a good time and I decided to give it to him. I warned him. I told him to wear the rubber. I didn’t want to get pregnant, you know? But did he listen to me? No. He thought he was above the law and that was that.”
She clenched her fists again, her full red lips tightening into a frown of disapproval. “I got pregnant. I tell you I cried myself sick that day. I got fired from my job. They didn’t want any girl who would be all swollen and stuff. I decided then that I was going to face him. I was going to walk all the way to that damn headquarters and have a talk with that bastard. But guess what? I walked up there and they chased me back. They told me to get lost! That they didn’t have any room for a girl like me!”
She unclenched her fists and lifted her hands slowly. They trembled in the dim light and Helen could make out the simple diamond ring on a finger.
“I thought I should slash myself like they do in the movies and stuff. I figured that would get his attention but after cutting myself a little…I got scared and quit halfway. Eight months. It was eight months later that he comes waltzing into my apartment where I was almost dying! Dying! I just wanted to die with it and then have my ghost haunt him until the day he died.”
Helen felt her pity for the woman grow but she doubted it would be appreciated.
“He says to me ‘You know I love you’ and I say ‘Like hell you do’ and he says ‘I’m going to become a respected member of the Federation. I have a reputation to protect you know’ and I say ‘So?’ and he says ‘Well, you have that in the way and I want to marry you’ and I say ‘What are you talking about?’ and he says ‘You’re going to have to get rid of the baby’ and I say ‘No way! I am not going through that pain again!’ and he says ‘Then I have no choice’ and then he waves his hands and about five guys all with guns point them straight at me! He holds up his hands like this…”
Helen watched in fearful fascination as the woman raised a pale hand towards the sky. She began to raise one finger after another as she spoke.
“He says ‘I’m counting to five. What’s your decision going to be?’ I tell him, he’s kidding! There’s no way I’m going to kill my child! He says ‘You don’t have to kill it. You can give it away. I will give you the world. I will give you anything you ever wanted.’”
She lowered her hand and it fell to her side as if suddenly heavy-laden with unknown worries. Her voice became a low mumble as she finally lowered her head to gaze at the wet street beneath them.
“I was only sixteen…sixteen…what did I know?”
Sister Helen worried her lower lip and tried to find the usual words of comfort she usually reserved for troubled times like these. She had done some counseling before so this should be easy right?
“Miss…”
“But he’s a fine boy now,” the woman interrupted again as she lifted her head again. This time there was that wistful smile on her face and Helen found herself gasping in surprise. She could recognize that unique motion of lips anywhere.
“Oh my! You are…!”
“No one,” the woman said quickly with a small wave of her hand. “I am no one important to him…”
“But you are his mother! You must want to see him! That’s why you come here every week, isn’t it?” The nun was practically desperate as she moved closer to the woman. “I’m sure he’ll want to see you too!”
“And then what?”
“What…?”
“And so what if we have a happy reunion? Do you think I can honestly look at him in the eye and say ‘I’m your mother?’”
“It doesn’t matter,” the young nun insisted. “Many children go through days here wishing they could have a parent or someone responsible for them…”
“You are his mother now,” came the flat response. “I’ve seen the way he looks up to you. I have no place in his life any more than he does in mine.”
Helen gasped softly at the cold words but beneath that she was sure she had heard an undeniable anguish – one that could never be healed.
“Miss…”
“You call him, Duo, correct?”
Helen could only nod in silent defeat. “I named him that because…”
“It doesn’t really matter now, does it?” she said with a light laugh. “I wouldn’t have called him that, but anything is better than being nameless, correct?”
“Yes…”
The woman lifted her gaze and for the first time Helen found herself looking into deep pools of shimmering violet – so very much like her son’s.
“I actually came to say goodbye,” she said softly. “I’ve done my duty and a little of the guilt has been taken off my shoulders. He is happy here – much happier than he could ever be with me.”
She leaned close to place a soft kiss on the nun’s cheek much to the younger woman’s surprise. Helen idly noticed that she smelled flowery and sweet – a far cry from the bitterness that had filled her voice earlier.
“Give that to him for me,” the woman said with another small smile. “But tell him nothing about me. Promise me that.”
The nun gave another soft nod of understanding as she watched the woman begin to step away. The doors to the black car opened up and she caught a quick look at the man in uniform sitting inside waiting for her. The woman had not looked back at all and as the car drove away, the young nun knew without a doubt that it would be the last time she would ever see the young woman again.
“Sister Helen?”
She spun around quickly, stifling a small cry of surprise as she noticed the boy who was standing silently in the pouring rain behind her. Her eyes widened a little and she fell to her knees, hoping and praying that he hadn’t seen anything.
“What are you doing out here, Duo?” She took off her protective hair bonnet and tied it quickly around his head, swallowing tightly as she tried hard not to look into the violet depths that reminded her so much of the woman that had just left. “You’re going to catch a cold if you keep standing in the rain.”
“Sister Mary wanted you to come in for supper,” the boy replied with a small nod as he allowed himself to be fussed over. His gaze drifted over her shoulder and he asked softly. “Were you talking to someone, Sister Helen?”
I can’t lie! I can’t! “Yes, yes, I was, Duo.”
“Was it a lady?”
“Yes, it was.”
The boy nodded and looked thoughtful. “She smelled nice.”
Helen gasped softly and struggled to hold back her tears. “Yes, Duo. Yes, she did smell nice.”
She wrapped her arms tightly around him and hugged him till he began to struggle. “Sister…” he whined, while blushing furiously. “Lemme go, everyone’s gonna laugh at me.”
Helen had to laugh a little at that as she pulled away and rose to her feet. “Alright, I’ll let you go for now. What are we having for dinner?” she asked as she began to lead the way back into the warm confines of the building.
And as he began to talk about the ‘horrendous’ meal that the cooks had prepared for the night, Helen prayed to the heavens and to the young boy for forgiveness for she knew she would have to carry this heavy secret within until her dying day.
~The End~
Gundam Wing Fiction
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