Pairings: Ogata/Akira
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: yaoi, lemon, angst
Aftermath:
He is currently fast asleep –
curled in a fetal position with his uneven but warm breath tickling my skin as
I try hard not to shiver in response. He shifts a little closer and I am
subject to the cool and then warm but pleasant sensation of skin against skin.
His glows beneath the pale light from the moon that filters through my window
and again I am a witness to just how breathtaking he really is.
I turn onto my side to take a
really good look at him, my restless fingers beginning to shamelessly explore
the sleeping boy to their fulfillment. He stirs and mutters something that I
can barely hear as my fingertips brush against his erect nipples – pink and
hard as rocks – just the way I like them. I continue to thumb them relentlessly
watching in fascination as his breathing begins to get uneven. His cheeks are
beginning to get flushed with color and a small smirk comes to my lips as I
watch them part to give a low moan of pleasure.
I trail my other hand down
his small waist – to his slender hips – to the smooth curve of his ass and
slowly begin to knead the firm flesh gently. He shivers and presses even closer
to me and I can feel his nearly flaccid cock twitch in awareness against my
upper thigh. I smile in triumph and carefully begin to toy with his still warm
and cum slicked hole. I can still feel the evidence of our earlier coupling and
I probe deeper, past the now relaxed inner muscles to find that tiny spot that
had been punished earlier by my fevered thrusts. At this time, I can feel hot
drops of his cum bathe my torso. His breaths are much faster now, his hands now
latched upon my upper arms as he begins to thrust against my finger within his
ass and yet into my body at the same time. His low cries become erratic and his
lashes open up slowly to peer at me with something akin to lust and helpless
plea.
He is still sore, his eyes
seem to say. He might not be able to walk tomorrow if I continue. Please,
sensei. Don’t…no more…
My smirk does not waver as my
finger works faster and harder within him. I release his nipples and reach for
his cock, my hand wrapping around the swollen flesh as I begin to stroke him
just as fast. He gives up the fight to remain silent and begins to writhe
against the sheets in pure delight I’m sure. A light sheen of sweat covers his
lithe body as he arches off the bed with each sweet torture inflicted on him.
Sensei, he begins to cry out
over and over again – such sweet music, the like of which I will never get to
hear again. That high octave pitch of his voice as he approaches his peak, the
way his muscles clench and unclench as his body strains to deny its obvious
need to orgasm. The way his toes curl – the way a few stubborn and damp strands
of hair cling to his heated skin like glue to paper– the way his eyes seem to
become a pitch black hue of mindless lust…this is the Akira that I’ll keep in
my mind and thoughts for many nights to come. This Akira – who belongs to me -
body, mind and soul. For this precious moment, I will cherish him as I am
supposed to.
As I finally give in to his
plea to be taken, I bury myself in his heat and punish ourselves for one last
time. Each hard thrust signals the inevitable for I will brand him mine and
feel no regrets.
Perhaps it is a bit cruel of
me to do this. However, there is no turning back now for cruelty has become my
best friend…again.
~*~
I wipe my glasses carefully
with one hand as I do my best to listen to Ashiwara at the other end of the
line. He is saying something about Touya Kuoyo returning from his trip a bit
earlier than expected but all I can see or rather all my mind can think about
is the boy who’s shrugging into his sweater a few feet away from me. There is a
rather enigmatic smile on his handsome features that has me wandering just what
he had really hoped to achieve with all of this.
“Seiji! Are you even
listening to me?”
I start in surprise at the
loud yell in my ear before nodding quickly and forcing myself to pay attention
again. “Yes, I am…wha…what?”
Akira’s arms are now around my waist as he presses his young body against mine from behind. He giggles at my reaction as if surprising me was now the greatest achievement of his young life. I stop myself from responding with a smile of my own and instead place my hand upon his to push him away gently.
Naturally, he looks hurt but
as usual he hides it behind a small smile. He steps away and pretends to be
fascinated with my aquarium. But I know that tense flex of his shoulders so very
well. There was something on my Akira’s mind and we would need to talk about it
now.
“Ashiwara, I’ll call you back later,” I all but bark into the phone and hanging it up quickly, I cross my arms before my chest and eye the quite lovely backside of my soon to be ex-lover.
“Is there something you want
to tell me, Akira?” I ask as carefully as I can. He flinches a little and then
responds just as carefully.
“Whatever do you mean,
sensei…?”
“Don’t give me that,” I growl
softly. “What are you doing here, really? Why did you want to come with me? Why
do you allow me to touch you like this?”
He turns his head a little
and then shrugs lightly. “I thought…I thought you liked me, sensei.” I
am guessing he had wanted to say that in a nonchalant way, but instead it had
come across as weak and almost pleading. However, it isn’t the answer I want
and I am determined to get it no matter how cold-hearted I have to be.
“Shindo,” I say flatly and I
can literally see him tremble at the sound of the other boy’s name. But
relentlessly, I continue. “It’s about him, isn’t it?”
“You were with him in the
elevator,” he begins defensively and I scowl at the childish stubbornness in
his tone. Kami, but the boy can be quite a pain when he wants to be.
“So what if I was?”
“What were you doing in there
with him?”
“And what business is it of
yours whom I choose to be with in the elevator, Akira?” I am really getting
impatient now and he knows only too well the effect he is having on me.
Damn him!
“Sensei…” He stops and takes a
deep breath before turning around to face me. I had fully expected tears or at
least a saddened expression on his visage, but instead I am treated to one of
passive indifference. And then it dawns on me – so hard that I almost gasp in
shock.
I was staring right back at… me!
That look. That stare of
determination and yet an undeniable look of defeat within those green eyes. I
had once had that look – Touya Kouyo had once told me that I had had the look
of a man caught in headlights but yet stubborn enough to remain there. Was
Akira doing the very same thing? Had he realized that he was fighting a losing
battle when it came to being with me? Does he now understand the enormity of
the situation we both find ourselves in?
He licks his lips and sits
down heavily on a single chair, his hands falling between his thighs as he
lowers his head to stare at the floor in seeming fascination.
“I don’t…I don’t know what to
do, sensei…” he begins quietly. “I am so confused right now…”
No thanks to me.
“I want to hate
Shindo…but…but…”
“But…I can’t, sensei…”
I need a cigarette.
“I mean…I want to be with him
and I know that we are good together…”
“…the other night, I hit
him.”
Oh? Now that gets my
attention as I finally find the elusive pack and reach for a stick quickly.
Placing it between my lips, I begin the search for my lighter.
“Keep talking,” I mutter a
bit impatiently.
He gives a soft nod and still
not looking at me, he continues his tale. “I was so angry at the time, sensei.
He was acting so…jealous and back then I was too stupid to realize that he had
every right to be that way. I tried to put myself in his shoes – to see how it would have felt if I had known he had
spent the night with you. I would be so…”
I light up my cigarette,
watching in amazement at how expressive he is without even saying a thing. His
hands are clenched into tight fists now and I know he’s struggling to find the
right words to convey the depth of his emotions.
“Angry?” I volunteer with a
light shrug.
“No…not angry,” he replies
softly. “A whole lot deeper than that, sensei…”
I stare at him in disbelief.
Something deeper than anger? Wouldn’t that be pure murderous intent? Could it
be that…?
“I just couldn’t think of you
being with him, that’s all,” he finishes with a small smile before laughing
self-consciously. “I think deep down inside, I still believe that you belong to
me, sensei.”
I allow the heavy silence to
fall between us as I watch him through the hazy smoke from my cigarette. There
is a light hue of pink on his cheeks and I am reminded again of just how young
and naïve he really is.
/I still believe that you
belong to me, sensei./
Ah, the sentimental and
emotional side of me that’s been buried deep within the recess of my mind
wishes to rear its ugly head again to make me almost believe that sentence.
But, I am a grown man now, Akira and I think it’s time for you to do a little
growing up as well.
And knowing full well that I
am about to drive a nail right through his young heart, I reply quietly but
with enough emphasis to let him know just what I am trying to get across.
“I belong to no one,
Akira…not even to you.”
He sucks in a harsh breath and lowers his gaze again, the hands now trembling slightly as he grips the armrests a bit too tightly.
Forgive me, Akira. As much as
I wish for this fairy tale to never end, we are just going to have to deal with
the unforgiving reality of life.
“Why?” he mutters brokenly
and I feel something tight constrict in my heart as I hear the slight catch in
his voice. He is really doing his best not to cry and I have to commend him for
that.
“Why, sensei? Why don’t you
like me?!”
“It’s not a matter of liking
anyone, Akira,” I reply as I crush out the cigarette, aware that my hands are
trembling as well. Sweet Kami, this is going to be the toughest acting job I am
ever going to do. “I just don’t have the time for…”
“But you said you loved me!”
he yells out suddenly as he gets to his feet to pin angry and frustrated green
depths on me. “Last night! You kept saying it over and over again! You taught I
was sleeping but I heard you!” He gives another harsh sob, his eyes now
shimmering with the tears that literally begged to fall. “You said it, sensei…”
he whispered achingly. “Why? Why can’t you say it in my face? What’s so wrong
with…?”
“Because you are being
selfish, Akira.”
How I can remain so
nonchalant about it all is amazing to me. I take off my glasses and make a show
of wiping them again. I have to gather my composure quickly – this…this
is really taking a lot out of me.
“You want me and you want
Shindo. You can’t have it both ways…”
“I’ll break up with Shindo if
I have to!”
“Why?”
“Because…because….”
“Because you think you love
me, Akira, ne?” I finish as I slip them back on my face. “You don’t know what
the word means, my dear boy. Do you think you can compare that emotion to me?
What’s your definition of the word ‘love’, Akira?”
“I…I…”
“You don’t know, do you? How
do you feel when you see a goban, Akira? What emotion courses through your
veins as you watch those black and white stones? Power? Lust? Desire to be the
best? To crush your opponent at the other side and leave them a whimpering mess
afterwards? Isn’t that what courses through your veins?!”
He shakes his head and covers
his face with his hands, whispering over and over again in dismay. “No…no…”
“It’s true, isn’t it?” I
press on. “What you and Shindo have is the same lust and desire over a game
that has progressed to your relationship outside of it. Isn’t it?”
“It’s not the same…”
“You are both young and
foolish. You think you can both throw the word ‘love’ about and then expect
everyone to agree with you?!”
“No…sensei…no…”
I grit my teeth and glare
coldly at him, now very grateful that I have managed to muster up the anger and
jealousy I had once had for the two boys. “You have five minutes to leave my
apartment and to find Shindo. And when you find him, talk to him Akira.
Find out how you really feel about him. Do you understand?”
He nods weakly, the tears having finally broken free to spill down his cheeks. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Akira shed real tears of pain – well besides me screwing him the other day – but this is different. He is going to have to grow up and I am the only one who can make him do that.
He wipes his tears away
quickly and tries to give me a smile. “I’ll…I’ll try to see if he’ll want to
talk to me,” he says softly. “Maybe…maybe we can work things out…ne…sensei?”
I reach for my packets of
cigarettes and turn away with a curt nod. “Perhaps.”
I wish he would just go
already and leave me to my thoughts but to my chagrin and surprise, I feel his
arms around me again and this time he tightens them a bit possessively. I am
sure he’ll crush my lungs from the force of his embrace.
“Akira…what…?”
“Will you wait for me,
sensei?” he whispers softly. “If Shindo and I don’t work things out…will you
give me a second chance? Will you take me back?”
I open up my mouth to say
something – anything coherent while fighting the dull sense of pleasure I feel
inside at his question. But as I turn my gaze towards the window, a familiar
sight of an oversized sweatshirt comes to view and I give an inward sigh of
irritation.
“You have to go now,” I
finally mutter in response. “Looks like your friend’s waiting for you
downstairs.”
He doesn’t say anything for a
moment and I begin to wonder if he’ll ever let me go but eventually he releases
me with a final squeeze before muttering a quick ‘goodbye sensei’ and making
his way out of my apartment. The soft click of the door behind him is the final
straw as I finally collapse into an empty chair with a heavy sigh.
I do not want to glance out
of the window, but I end up doing so anyway. I watch as the two boys share an
awkward moment of staring at each other before Shindo seems to shrug as they
exchange a few words. He is the first to begin walking and Akira follows him
slowly. They are still talking but of course none of that matters to me now.
I light up another cigarette
and watch the smoky rings form as I lean back in the chair and close my eyes in
sweet repose.
It has been an interesting
week to say the least. I have learned so much about my self and I think I have
awakened something within the boy I had loved from the moment he was thrust
into my arms. Perhaps deep down, I honestly wish that both boys would get back
together again. I would love to be able to sit across a goban and to play with
Akira again the way we used to – passionately and with our usual rivalry.
/Will you wait for me,
sensei?/
Hn.
Maybe I will, my dearest
Akira. Maybe someday…we will eventually play this wonderful game all over
again.
And when that time comes – I
promise to win and never let go of my precious prize.
~Owari~