School Tales #19 – Compulsory Detentions

 

Saturday – in the wee hours of the morning:

 

And I still can’t get myself to sleep. Duo’s steady and slow breathing tickles the hairs at my nape and upon the flesh of my right shoulder. Despite my trepidations, I cannot help the smile that comes to my features at the tingling sensation. It makes me shiver, sending signals of unwanted pleasure down my spine as memories of how we spent the night come back to mind in a rush. I shift a little and almost wish I hadn’t as Duo’s leg moves a little higher to brush against my stirring cock. He mumbles something against my ear and snuggles even closer and I swear my mind is about to go into shutdown – at least in the rational thinking department.

 

But I can’t afford to think of having sex with him again. We’ve been practically doing it since we christened the classroom two weeks ago. Don’t get me wrong now. We aren’t raging sex addicts who claw through each other’s clothes at any given time. However, we do have some very new ways of spending our lunch hour at school these days. If the other guys noticed our lengthy absences or late appearances to some classes, they were cool enough to keep it to themselves - although, I have the feeling that the discussion will be brought up sooner or later. Our sexual escapades don’t just take place in school though. We have now progressed to meeting each other at our homes after school or during the weekends. I won’t lie and say that it’s not been a great experience all around. Being with Duo this intimately, learning new ways to make him scream out my name or moan or make that incredibly sexy breathing/whimper thing he does when he’s about to come, is more than enough to make me happy.

 

But that’s just sex, love making…whatever you wish to call it.

 

Despite all our attempts to mask our deepest worries through physical contact, there’s no doubt that we still have unspoken and unanswered questions, hovering like an invisible wall, between us. I sigh softly and wince at the sudden sensation of pins and needles creeping up my arm. Duo’s been lying on it for a while and if I move, I’ll wake him up (he’s an incredibly light sleeper…when he’s not dead tired that is).

 

I sigh again and lift my gaze to the plain white ceiling above us. We’ve been ‘together’ for this long now and somehow we haven’t mentioned ‘that’ again. At least I know now that he isn’t going to be leaving with his mother anytime soon…which means that Duo will be able to finish the school year with us at least. But once the summer holiday comes around, he’ll be gone there’s no doubt about that. I had noticed some new school brochures inside one of his drawers earlier this evening, but I had kept that observation to myself. We are still rather touchy about the subject and he’d rather I not bring it up until he’s good and ready to talk to me about it.

 

I turn my head a little to look at him. I doubt I’ll ever get tired of watching Duo sleep. He had once teased me on looking like a dork when asleep and I had teased him back saying he could destroy buildings with how loud he snores. But the truth of the matter is that he doesn’t…snore that is. His lips, however, are the most captivating thing of all. They always look so full and downright kissable – wet, warm and inviting.

 

But for how long can we keep this up? When he moves to another school, I’m sure he’ll find someone who’s much better than I am in bed. I’m no expert in the sex thing and we’ve fumbled a few times in our haste. But, I can’t help wondering if I’m being hypocritical in assuming that Duo only wants a relationship based on that. I’d like to think that our relationship is a whole lot more than just sex. I would like to think that we can spend days sitting and talking for hours without thinking of jumping into each other’s pants. I would like to think that I’m always in his thoughts, every minute of every hour. I would like to think that we have gone past the physical aspect of things and that are now attuned to each other on a more spiritual level. I think it was Trowa who had preached to me about something like that before but I’m not sure. Either way, I realize that since I’m running out of time, I’d have to talk to Duo about this or we will keep running around in circles with no progress made on either side.

 

I brace myself mentally and begin to form the words and questions that I’m going to ask. I’ll try to ease my way into the topic and hope he doesn’t take offense to what I have to say. In a deliberate move, I shift my aching arm and watch as a frown comes to his sleepy features. He mumbles something again and turns away from me – not a very good position, to be honest, because his ass is now pressed rather enticingly against my semi-erect cock. But at least my arm is free and I use it to nudge him gently.

 

“Duo?” I whisper softly. “Duo? Are you awake?”

 

He mumbles again and falls silent, but he can’t fool me. The sudden stillness in his body tells me otherwise. He’s very much awake and is doing a rather poor job of trying to discourage me. I press on.

 

“We need to talk, Duo.”

 

He remains stubbornly silent.

 

“We can’t keep skirting the issue,” I continue as I stare at the thick mass of hair now in my face. “I need to know…”

 

“What issue is there to skirt?” he asks in a low mumble/grumble. His voice is still thick with sleep. “I told you I’ll leave during the holiday so you’ve still got me for a few more weeks.”

 

“Yes, but…but don’t you just want to graduate from Fujisaki? I’d think that transferring schools at this stage is a bit difficult…”

 

“Not really.”

 

Damn it, Duo! Don’t you make this thing harder than it is already!

 

“Okay, so it’s not that difficult, but I assume that anyone in their right mind would want to finish with one particular school instead of transferring to another. You’ve moved from one school to another in the past few years, don’t you think your transcript is going to look rather crowded when you wish to enter a university?”

 

I take a deep breath and kick myself inwardly for allowing my voice to rise with my inner passion. And to make it worse, my reasoning now sounds a bit stupid. Why can’t I just say I want him here to be with me?

 

“Why?”

 

“Wh…what?” Oh fuck…he…he wants to know!

 

“Why, Heero? Why do you want me to stay so badly?”

 

At least I should be grateful he’s not looking at me or I’m sure I’d really screw things up in the worst way possible. I bite my lower lip and stare at the fine hairs along his temple and the smooth curve of his ear. I want to taste his skin again but I am quick to chide myself at how easily distracted I get when it comes to Duo.

 

“I…” I lick my lips and try to will the right words to mind again. “I…”

 

“Because you love me?” he says and I all but choke in response. There is a hint of amusement in his voice and I am blushing – my face and entire body feeling so hot, I wish I could just die.

 

“Wh…I…”

 

“Just kidding,” he interrupts me with a soft sigh. “Of course that can’t be the reason, right?”

 

But it is the reason! I all but scream in frustration. So why can’t I say it? What is this damn hindrance that prevents me from saying the words that he wants to hear - that we both want to hear.

 

“I’m…I just…I just want you to graduate with…me…I guess…” I finally mumble weakly. “You’ve been through so much to get here and now you’re just leaving…”

 

“With my mom,” he corrects me with a shrug. “What’s so wrong with that?”

 

“Nothing! I mean, I’m not saying that you can’t go with your mom. I’m just saying that…well…”

 

“You want me to graduate and miss the opportunity to spend some quality time with my parent.”

 

“Duo…”

 

“I can bloody well graduate in any other school, Heero, can’t I?”

 

“I’m not saying…”

 

“Who gives a fuck what you say? It’s always about you, isn’t it?”

 

I can only stare helplessly. He’s still not looking at me, but his shoulders are so tense that I fear if I touch him, he’ll punch my lights out.

 

“You’ve had your parents all your life,” he continues bitterly. “You’ve had a wonderful childhood and a fabulous lifestyle so far. What would you know about being told that the ones who gave birth to you no longer gave a fuck about you? You’ve not spent months being moved from orphanage to orphanage or from foster home to foster home! You’ve not been through half the shit I’ve been through and the one time I want to be with someone who actually does give a damn about me, you come to me with your crappy ass reasons for wanting me to stay! You’re just being selfish, Heero Yuy! Goddamn selfish!”

 

It’s a mental slap. A hard and painful one and I think I’ve heard enough. I throw back the blanket and stumble out of bed for fear that remaining there would make me violent. How dare he?! How dare he call me selfish! He’s the one who’s been acting like an asshole with his antics and he dares to call me selfish?! Well, he can go fuck himself for all I care!

 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he asks angrily, but I refuse to answer him as I search for my discarded pair of jeans. Finding them lying halfway across a chair, I slip into them quickly, hopping around in an effort to get the damn things on. My fingers are trembling rather badly as I try to button up my fly, but I’m not going to speak to him or answer his question. I don’t have to put up with Duo’s mood swings anymore than he has to put up with mine.

 

“Heero…” he begins in a low tone that’s edged with ice. “Don’t you dare walk out of here or we’re finished, got it?”

 

I snort and pull my t-shirt over my head. Running my fingers quickly through my already messed up hair, I eye the room for any other personal items I might have left.

 

“Heero!”

 

I finally look at him and quickly wish I hadn’t. He’s now sitting up with the blanket pooled around his waist. His long hair frames his flushed face and cascades down his shoulders and back. His eyes are a brilliant flash of violet, which only tells of just how furious he is. Dear god, but he looks incredible and that’s just why I have to walk away now before I lose my resolve.

 

“Heero…” he warns again and I grit my teeth before replying coolly.

 

“Then consider us finished, Duo.”

 

And without a second glance, I walk out of the room with a heart that feels as if it’s been shattered into a million fragile pieces.

 

 

__

 

 

Student Council Room:

Monday, 8.48am:

 

 

“Hmm…I’m quite impressed, Heero. I didn’t think you’d be able to get all the reports ready for the school festival coming up. This is very detailed work.”

 

“I had some help from Kenzo,” I say with a grateful bow as I smile at the rather pleased Junior Vice-President standing beside. “I couldn’t have done all of that by myself. Classes 3-1 to 3-4 have volunteered to sell snacks but I’ll still have to speak to each class representative to find out just what they intend to make.”

 

Zechs smiles and nods in agreement. “That would be fine, Heero. Ah, and don’t forget to get a report from the Basketball Club. We’ve not yet gotten word on what they plan to do. The Karate club will be having mock matches. The Chess Club will be holding a teaching session for interested participants and so on and so forth. Eh? Is something wrong, Heero?”

 

“No,” I reply tightly as I tighten my hands around the sheaf of paper in my hands. “I’ll have Kenzo look into the Basketball Club…”

 

“No, no, Kenzo’s already taking care of the Debate, Swimming and Math Clubs. I’m sure you can handle this one, Heero. Or is there a problem?”

 

I would be a fool not to notice the dare in that question and knowing that I’ve been put in a tight spot, I manage a small smile and bow again in respect. “I’ll be more than happy to look into it, sir. I should have a report for you at the end of the day.”

 

“Good! Good!” the blond enthuses with a wide grin. “This festival is going to be the biggest yet! I’m quite proud of the work you two have done so far, so keep it up and good luck!”

 

I must have said something in response because I have the feeling that I’m definitely going to need the luck if I’m going to walk into that locker room looking for you-know-who. I’m quite glad to say that I’ve managed to pour myself into work – both school and at my regular job at the grocery store– with every enthusiasm I can muster. Working longer hours keeps me away from home where every damn thing seems to remind me of Duo. At school – shame we are still in the same class – I do my best to avoid him at all times. I hardly eat lunch with my best friends as I always have the ready excuse of being involved with Student Council activities.

 

Of course, Duo for his part is recovering quite nicely from our break-up. He is still friends with the guys and he has gotten even more friends thanks to our latest victory over Furiken in the Regional Basketball Championships. He seems to be busy himself these days and it’s only natural that he will no longer be concerned with someone like me.

 

Fuck!

 

“Keep punching the walls like that and you’ll have an outstanding bill going to your parents,” comes the quiet voice that has me spinning around quickly to stare into familiar blue depths.

 

“Hi Relena,” I greet politely. “How are you doing today?”

 

She shrugs lightly and adjusts her backpack with a sigh. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You look like you haven’t slept well in months! And what’s this silent treatment thing you and Duo have going?”

 

You know there are times when I really wish that Relena wouldn’t be too observant or blunt with her statements.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply with another small smile as I continue to walk towards the gym. “You know as well as I do that we have to get ready for the upcoming festival. I really don’t have the time to…arck!”

 

I can hardly breathe as Relena tugs even harder on my tie effectively cutting off any possible air circulation to my lungs. I wheeze and drop the papers to the ground, trying to communicate to her that I’m ready to listen. Seeing my desperate state, she finally lets me go with a light snort.

 

“You and Duo had an argument and now you’re both acting like a bunch of overgrown babies.”

 

“We…” I cough and bend down to pick up the reports. “We…broke up…mutually…”

 

“My ass,” she finishes with a frown. “I was talking to Duo the other day and he all but bit my head off when I mentioned your name. Geez.”

 

Great. He hates me that much, huh?

 

“And when I asked what had happened, he said something along the lines of some people not knowing how to stop being selfish. What exactly happened, Heero?”

 

I shake my head lightly and pat my chest, glad that my breathing seems to be back to normal now. “Look, it’s nothing to concern yourself over. It’s clear we aren’t meant to be a couple or whatever, so just let it go, okay?”

 

“Heero…”

 

I frown. “Let it go, Relena.”

 

She looks like she’s ready to go into a tirade, but seeing that I’m very serious about it, she settles for closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Fine. I’ll let it go. As long as you both think you’re happy, then who am I to butt in, right?”

 

She doesn’t wait for a reply as she walks away from me, now obviously upset. I know she’s only looking out for me, but I can’t afford to tell her just how I feel inside.

 

Miserable. Hurt. Angry and most of all…alone.

 

 

__

 

 

3.16pm

 

I find myself walking towards the gym again. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, Duo hadn’t been in the gym this morning – neither had he been there during the lunch break. I guess I should have spoken to him between classes or something, but he always disappeared once the teacher left the classroom. It was rather aggravating.

 

And now, it’s after school and I’m going back again only this time to the tracks. According to Coach Septum, his basketball team had been slacking off during a lesson and he was making them run around the Olympic sized racetrack as punishment. I push open the doors leading to the grounds and shield my eyes from the sun with a hand as I eye the group of boys – some looking like they are about to faint – still running. It’s not hard to tell who and where Duo is – although I’m rather surprised to find him on his own and not in first place.

 

Coach Septum blows his whistle so loudly that I start and mumble a curse at the surprising shrill sound.

 

“Two more laps, ladies! And you can go home!”

 

Some of the boys perk up at this and they redouble their efforts, but Duo doesn’t act as if he has heard anything. He’s still running at a steady pace with a light frown of concentration on his features. I lean over the wrought iron railing to watch him, biting my lower lip as memories of that sweaty body pressed tightly against me fill my thoughts. He’s panting now from his exertion, but I can also recall pants from another kind of ‘work-out’. I watch as he lifts a hand to wipe sweat from his brow and I have to cross my legs as he moves closer to where I am. I lick my lips slowly, willing my heart to stop pounding so fast as he’s now mere feet from where I stand.

 

He glances at me and time seems to stand still for a moment. I’m sure his eyes had widened with surprise but then again it could just be my imagination for his eyes look cold and distant again. He continues to run and I can see that he’s quickened his pace a little.

 

I will my legs to move into the locker room to wait for him. I have to remind myself of why I’m here. All I need is a quick rundown of what the Basketball Club has in store for the festival and then I’m out of here. The first group of boys come stumbling into the room, hardly giving me a glance as they begin to peel out of their sweat-drenched clothes and head to the shower stalls.

 

Ah fuck. I had forgotten all about that.

 

I can feel a frown coming to my features as I realize that Duo must shower with all of these guys watching him. Shaking my head rapidly, I chide myself for feeling jealous over a boy that doesn’t really care for me anymore. What’s the use of getting upset over how he chooses to take his shower or who else watches him?

 

Turning around quickly, I bump into someone and automatically reach out to steady him and myself.

 

“Sorry,” I mumble quickly, my hands upon his arms as I lift my gaze to stare into painfully familiar violet ones. “I’m…” Great. I just have to blush like a fucking schoolgirl, don’t I?

 

The steam from the showers is becoming a bit oppressing and half-naked or naked boys bumping into us isn’t exactly helping my cause much. He raises a brow and I realize that I’m still holding him. Pulling my hands away quickly as if burned, I take a step back and try to compose my features quickly.

 

“I need to talk to you about your club activities!” I yell, thanks to several teammates breaking into some song that I don’t know of.

 

“What?!” he yells back as he begins to peel off his shirt. I swallow tightly and try to focus on the steel locker behind his head.

 

“I said I need to talk to you about your school…fuck!” Someone has pushed me again and I am slammed against Duo’s bare chest. I turn around to glare at the person, but within the madness in the room, it’s all I can do to contain my embarrassment and helpless frustration. And oh god, Duo feels so damn good…

 

“Let’s get out of here!” he says and begins to tug on my arm. I follow willingly enough, still a bit flustered from the influx of sensations that are beginning to do a number on me.

 

He leads me into the visitor’s locker room and closes the door quietly behind him. He wipes his face with the tee shirt and gives me a curt nod. “What’s the problem again?”

 

What’s the problem? What’s the problem?! Everything’s the problem, Duo! How can you act like you don’t give a damn after everything?! How can you look so cool and collected while I’m feeling like shit inside?! Don’t you even care at all?! Have you never cared to begin with? What was I good for? Why were you so nice to me?! Why did you lead me believe that you were…that you loved me just as much as I love you?! Why?!

 

“Heero? What did you want to see me for?”

 

“What…” My voice sounds like its a million miles away. My throat feels dry and something’s burning…stinging behind my eyes. “I…”

 

“Heero…” Is it my imagination or does his voice sound…weird? Soft…pleading?

 

“I just…I just wanted to know what plans your club have for the upcoming festival,” I recite quietly. I open up my school bag to bring out the flyer that has been prepared for his club. “You just write your plans here and I’ll…I’ll…”

 

Oh god, I can’t take this anymore!

 

I wasn’t even aware that I had moved but as I felt his lips upon mine – responding – oh yes! – responding to mine all over again and I knew that, somehow, I would have to muster up enough courage to blurt out my feelings for him.

 

“Heero?”

 

I open up my eyes and stare blankly into his questioning gaze. “Wha…what?”

 

“I’m done,” he says as he pushes the flyer towards me. “I’m not really sure of what we have planned yet since I’m not really the leader. It’s Keichi Miwa and he’s going to be in tomorrow. You might want to talk to him then.”

 

“Ah…right.”

 

He smiles softly and begins to walk out of the room. “Gotta go now. Don’t keep spacing out…you might want to take a break from working so hard,” he adds quietly.

 

It had felt so real. So damn real. Fuck…this isn’t fair at all!

 

I hear the door open as I busy myself with the ‘arduous’ task of shoving the flyer back into my school bag.

 

“Heero?”

 

“What is it now?” I almost snap at him in frustration. I hear his soft intake of breath but I refuse to turn around. He’ll see how pathetic I must look and probably laugh his head off.

 

“I…”

 

“Well?” Shut up! Shut up! But it’s too late, that damned voice of frustration seems to have taken over my vocal cords.

 

“Nothing,” he replies quietly before the soft click of the door closing behind him leaves me in miserable solitude.

 

I groan and rest my head against a locker. And as if mocking my earlier attempts, the invisible wall around my tongue dissolves completely and I can hear myself finally whisper into the hollow silence.

 

“I love…you…Duo…”

 

 

~End Period Nineteen~