What Lies Within…

 

Wednesday:

(Sometime in the afternoon)

 

Duo’s seat is still empty and now the low murmurs of concern can be heard in seemingly every corner of the school. I feel as if everyone is now watching my every move and it only does more to make my guilt-ridden heart tremble in dismay.

 

I have replayed that moment on the plateau a million times over in my mind, wishing beyond all doubt that I could turn back time and take back all the words I had said. Perhaps I should have phrased things differently or I could have at least made an effort to shut my big mouth up from the get-go. Either way, I had done the unthinkable and now I’ll have to deal with the consequences of my actions.

 

“I think Heero knows where he lives,” someone says and it jarrs me out of my jumbled thoughts as I lift my head to stare at the group of students all making themselves comfortable around the cafeteria table.

 

“Well, I don’t really care who knows what,” Relena speaks up with impatience. “We can’t run a campaign when the second half of said campaign is missing. Heero, have you spoken to Duo in the last two days?”

 

I stall for time by chewing carefully on my sandwich (which might as well have been sand for all the way it tasted at the moment). But, they all await my answer, their hungry and eager gazes firmly fixed on me as they seek to know of the whereabouts of their idol.

 

“I…haven’t,” I finally reply with a light shrug. A visible deflation and sag of their shoulders greet my response and Hilde shakes her head to say firmly.

 

“I thought you two were in a relationship! How can you not speak to him?”

 

What relationship?!

 

“Or maybe they had a lover’s quarrel and they parted ways,” Dorothy deduces while twirling a strand of her hair. “Either way, we can’t do without Duo, Heero. So you’ve got to find him…”

 

“Or maybe he’s sick and we don’t even know!” Relena says with a pound of her fist on the table. I have to reach out to steady my glass of juice or it would have fallen to the floor.

 

My friends, who have been quiet all this time (but watching me no less), finally break their silence as Wufei says softly. “Ah, that could be the problem…right, Heero?”

 

Why are you asking me? How should I know?! I had basically told the guy off and he had run away from school! Why the hell won’t everyone leave me alone?!

 

But instead my mouth blurts out a quiet, “I…I wouldn’t know…”

 

“Geez, you don’t know much, do you, Heero?” Another person says and this brings about a round of snickers and some giggles. I tighten my hand around my fork and force myself to focus on the food before me.

 

But as if I’m to be punished for my sins, the talk continues to swell around me. Hell, it seems as if his name is mentioned in every other sentence!

 

“Man, how I wish he was here. He and I were supposed to practice our…”

 

“He promised to help me with my…”

 

“Duo’s so cool! You should have seen the way he…”

 

“Aww, man. I really hope he’s okay. Come back to us, Duo…”

 

“Alright!” I finally snap in resignation and they all stop long enough to stare at me. Some look confused, others amused and some downright terrified at the scowl I no doubt have on my features. “All right,” I continue as calmly as I can. “I get the picture. I’ll go and find you your precious Duo and then I want my fucking life back!”

 

And without waiting for anyone else to say anything, I pick up my tray and stomp out of the stifling room. I just need some time to clear my head and to think that’s all.

 

I just need some time…alone…

 

 

__

 

 

Student Council Meeting

(After School)

 

And my suffering continues.

 

Zechs has already made it clear that he’s genuinely worried about Duo’s disappearance since the elections are to take place next week. I, Duo and a guy by the name of Kenzo, are supposed to have a speech prepared for the students at an open debate next Thursday whereby we highlight our reasons for them to elect us as their representatives.

 

In other words, I have less than five days to find Duo and to bring him back to school.

 

Just how the hell am I going to do that?! For all I know, he might have left the country or he might have enrolled in another school under another alias and it will be extremely difficult to find him. I’m sure if Duo never wanted to be found, he could do that quite easily.

 

Damn it!

 

“Heero Yuy?”

 

“Huh…oh…yes! Yes, sir!” I sit upright and try not to look too bemused at the older boy’s questioning look. I’m sure they must have asked me a question and as usual, my thoughts are on someone else.

 

Zechs taps his fan upon the table lightly and asks again in a rather amused tone. “Is there something you wish to share with us concerning Maxwell’s disappearance?”

 

“He’s…he’s…” I lick my lips and force some moisture into my dry mouth. Why is everyone asking me this? It’s not as if Duo and I were in a real relationship of any kind but yet they expect me to know everything about him. It’s a bit unfair if you ask me.

 

“He’s…out of town for a while,” I finally say around what I hope is an easy smile. “Some family emergency came up and he had to leave. He told me not to tell anyone but I thought it would be best that you know…sir…”

 

Dear god, I sincerely hope he buys that lie.

 

“Hmmm…did he say when he would be able to return? We need his signature for his eligibility to run in two days and if he doesn’t return, we’ll have to cut him out of the race.”

 

I can feel something hot and yet cold clench around my heart and it makes it a bit difficult to breathe. So now, I have only two days to find Duo! This is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done yet.

 

“Heero?” Sally calls out in concern.

 

And with an inner resignation and in a voice that I barely recognize as mine I woefully accept my new mission. “I’ll…I’ll find him and let him know.”

 

 

__

 

 

 

It soon dawns on me as I step off the bus and stand in front of the ‘Stop’ sign that I really don’t know where Duo lives!

 

I am currently standing in the very spot he usually gets off each day but the bus has always left before I could get a good read of just where he walks to. Now, I am faced with a block of apartment complexes that seem like two rows of prison block cells on either side of me. I absently step out of the way as a soccer ball comes bouncing towards me. Several kids come running after it and I watch them dash out to the street in the quest to get their ball.

 

I tighten my hand around the strap of my bag and take a deep breath. Okay, think Heero. If I were a guy trying to live anonymously just where would I want to keep myself? Option one, I would probably want to live in the farthest apartment complex possible so that no one suspects a thing and I’d be hidden…sort of. Or option two; I could live in the very first building where no one would think that a nice, unassuming guy like me is actually a semi-criminal. I could make friends with the neighbors and everyone would like me.

 

I groan and rub a hand across my forehead. I’m getting hungry and it’s almost time for dinner and yet I’m still out here hunting for a guy who might not even be in town.

 

“Hey, mister. Hey mister!”

 

I blink and stare at the pint-sized boy below me with a raised brow. He’s dressed in nothing but a pair of rather worn out jeans shorts and a pair of white sneakers (which are oddly very clean). His hair is dirty-blond in color and about shoulder length. From his wide toothed grin and his incessant need to keep scratching the bridge of his nose, I can tell he’s one of those wacky noisy kids that tend to drive you nuts…most of the time.

 

“What do you want, kid?” I ask quietly. I’m really not paying much attention besides eyeing the apartments and wondering where I could begin my search.

 

“Gotta dollar on ya?”

 

Great. Just great. I’m about to be accosted by a beggar. But knowing these kids, if you don’t give them what they want now, you’re bound to be dogged by them until you finally have give in. And so with a weary sigh, I reach into my pockets to whip out some money for him, only to freeze in mid-air as he pipes up happily.

 

“Hey, you two have the same uniform!” He reaches up to pick the money from my hand, but I snatch it back with a small smile. I am already churning with ways in which to get this kid to talk. We ‘two’ have the same uniform, huh? He could only be talking about the one person I’m looking for. I try to ignore the quickened rate of my heartbeat as I hold the money a bit out of reach. The boy pouts and tries to reach for it again.

 

“Hey, no fair mister! I wanna have it!”

 

“When you tell me what I want to know, kid,” I say with a wider smile. “You say someone else here has a uniform like mine? What does he look like?”

 

He scowls and folds his arm across his chest. “If I tell ya anything, it’s gonna cost ya an extra buck, mister!”

 

Fine, fine. Two dollars is no big deal. “Okay, start talking.”

 

His grimy face breaks into another grin and he points to the building on my right. It’s one of the quieter sections of the entire block and only a middle-aged woman can be seen smoking a pipe in the courtyard and basically spacing out. The three-story building itself looks fairly new and it’s obvious that some rooms have not been occupied yet.

 

“He’s got loooooooooooong hair that makes him look like some girl,” the boy is saying as he hops impatiently from one foot to the other. “He sometimes plays soccer with us before going in…”

 

“Which room?” I cut in quickly. He blinks in surprise at my outburst but snickers and points towards the second floor.

 

“I dunno which one exactly but I think it’s the last one…”

 

“Here’s your money,” I cut in again as I shove the bills into his hands. I ignore his happy cry of ‘Thanks, mister!’ as my feet lead me as quickly as they can towards the stairs that lead up to Duo’s floor. But then I stop halfway as I realize that I’d have to keep knocking on each door in the hopes of finding the right one. Wouldn’t it be better if I just ask the woman spacing out in the middle of the yard?

 

And leaning over the banister, I yell out to her in hopes of getting her attention.

 

“Excuse me, ma’am!”

 

For a second, I wonder if she’s ever going to answer me, but she finally turns around (so damn slowly) to squint at me with interest. “Oh…hello, young man. How may I help you? Do you want to rent a place?”

 

“No, no, I don’t,” I say with a shake of my head. “I’m actually looking for someone. He’s about my age and my height and wears my school uniform and has really long hair. Do you know where he lives?”

 

She’s beginning to shake her head and I can feel a desperation so deep rip a whole right through my heart as I grip the banister tightly.

 

“No, no, son. No such person like that lives here…”

 

Had that boy lied to me then? I wouldn’t put it past him but he had sounded so sincere too! “Please, ma’am!” I plead helplessly. “He’s got to be here! On this floor…”

 

“No, son. No such person like that lives here…”

 

Oh fuck this! I growl and rake fingers through my hair in frustration as I eye the looming corridor before me. There are about ten doors to knock on and so taking a deep breath, I begin to walk towards the first one, only to stop as a lazy voice says coolly.

 

“You’re looking for Duo, aren’t you?”

 

I turn around quickly, hardly aware of the gratitude in my eyes as I look at the man who had spoken. He’s leaning against his doorway with a look of extreme weariness about him. He looks like a college dropout to be honest – probably early twenties or so. Dressed in loose jeans and a simple white t-shirt that looks as if it’s been stained with paint of every color, he scratches his chest gently and points towards two doors further down.

 

“He lives there…although I haven’t seen him for the past day or so.” He shrugs and gives me a small smile which makes him look a bit more handsome. “The name’s Andre,” he says again and offers me a hand which I reluctantly accept. “He’s posed for me a few times but other than that he’s a pretty cool guy. It’s nice to see he has friends to pay him a visit.”

 

And with that enigmatic statement, he gives me a small salute, reaches down to pick up the newspaper that had been dumped by his front door before locking himself within his apartment again.

 

Duo has…posed…for him a few times? What the hell does that mean? And damn it! I know that I am not feeling jealous at the fact that Duo might have stripped for some other guy. Geez, why should it matter to me? It’s his life and he can do whatever the hell he wants in his spare time and if he chooses to run a strip club or to dance naked on the streets, then that’s his problem!

 

Okay, Heero…breathe and stop getting so agitated over nothing.

 

I lean against the wall beside his door and try to gather some moisture into my mouth. I have to act cool, calm and collected because I have traveled all this way to tell him to come back to school, that’s all. I’d just keep my mouth shut and not say anything about his swindling ways and just…just…

 

Oh god, please let him still be in the country at least!

 

I really don’t know what I’d do if Duo has gone. I have not once entertained that thought before but now facing this harsh reality is a painful reminder of just how miserable I’d probably feel if Duo is indeed AWOL*.

 

He can’t be gone! He’s just sulking or angry with me or just lying low for a while, that’s all. Yeah, that’s it! He’s just lying low and I’ll just talk with him and convince him to return! No big deal!

 

And so taking a very deep breath and straightening my tie for some reason, I lift up my hand and knock firmly on the door.

 

 

__

 

 

For a good five minutes (it seems like eons to me though) I remain standing out here waiting for him to either say ‘Enter’ or to come to the door himself. But still…nothing.

 

The panic, worry and yet some small measure of anger begin to rise within me as I pound on his door a bit louder.

 

Duo, you idiot! You can’t keep running away from everything, damn it! I know you’re in there, so open up!

 

But still nothing. Just this eerie stillness that’s becoming a bit unnerving.

 

He’s gone. You know he’s gone. Why do you keep trying when there’s nothing here anymore, that nagging voice continues to wail in my head as I reach into my wallet to pull out my credit card. Duo isn’t the only one who knows a thing or two about picking locks or opening up doors. Of course, I’m not as proficient as he is when it comes to specific locks like the ones at school, but Wufei had showed me a neat little trick with this small piece of plastic. And with a door as cheap as this, it should be easy.

 

Furrowing my brows in concentration, I slip the card between the tiny and barely visible slot between doorjamb and knob and twist it a little. And just like that, the once unmovable steel handle moves easily within my grasp and I slowly push the door open. I can literally feel my heart in my throat as I peer into the faint gloom of the room.

 

The heavy scent of Duo’s cologne hits me at first but then it’s slowly masked by the fainter but underlying smell of some kind of food. It’s still warm in here and as my gaze tries to get used to the darkness, I spot the undeniable pair of loafers that belong to Duo, sitting silently by the side!

 

Yes! He’s still around!

 

“Duo!” I call out quickly, as I close the door behind me slowly. “Duo? It’s me…Heero. I know I’m the last person you want to see right now but I think we need to talk…”

 

I take off my shoes carefully, trying to read just where he might be. Perhaps he’s not even home as the silence becomes overwhelming. There’s of course the low whirl of perhaps a refrigerator or the heater turning on and off and as I take another step into the room, I think I see a shape of someone standing by the window.

 

“Duo? Duo…I…aaaah!” I am suddenly slammed against the wall and barely have the time to think as he places his hands on either side of my head effectively holding me prisoner. Even without touching him, I can feel the intense heat radiate off his body like crazy. A second later, I realize that his breathing is rather shallow and that he’s dressed in very warm clothes (a black sweater and matching sweatpants) despite the heat in the room. His hair is not in its usual braid and it falls around his face and shoulders like a badly woven hood. His skin looks pallid and slightly flushed – his eyes are a bit too bright and yet with a spark of distrust or perhaps malice within them.

 

“What…what are you doing here?” he asks weakly and I wince at how hoarse and raspy he sounds.

 

Oh dear god…Duo…

 

“Did you come to make sure I’d left for good or something?”

 

No…no I didn’t…

 

“Well think again,” he continues as one of his hands slips a little. I can see his body tremble and before I think twice about my actions, I wrap my arms tightly around his body. He feels so light and helpless and as I close my eyes and pull him tighter against me, I realize with a dull pang that I want to take care of this moronic, annoying but hot as hell semi-criminal with everything I’ve got.

 

“Duo…” I whisper softly, not sure of if I want to admonish him for getting out of bed in his condition or to kiss his feet and beg him for forgiveness. However, all I get in response is a slump of his shoulders as he sags limply upon me before passing out completely in exhaustion.

 

 

__

 

 

Ten Minutes Later:

 

My jacket is somewhere in his room, my sleeves are rolled up and I am dicing onions as fast as my hands can manage. At least, I do remember how to prepare a simple but healthy soup that should give him much-needed nourishment.

 

I managed to strip him out of the sweaters he had been wearing and despite his feeble protests; he is now lying beneath a blanket in only his boxers and a wet washcloth upon his forehead. He keeps falling in and out of consciousness but hopefully; he’ll be awake enough to eat this.

 

Duo’s home is remarkably sparse. I thought I had nothing in my apartment, but he’s even worse. Besides his bed and closet space for clothes, he has none of the basic luxuries like a TV or even a CD player. His only source of entertainment seems to be from his laptop which had been open when I had come in earlier. There are however, several CDs and DVDs that I’m sure he watches on his computer lying about the room. There are some graphic novels, lots of newspaper clippings (most of them involve schools or college-related material) and his textbooks of course.

 

But what had really gotten my attention was a section of newspaper articles he had saved up. Most of them were in regards to Fujisaki High but most importantly (and believe me, I’m still not sure of how to take this) are pictures of me receiving accolades for one thing or another. I don’t like to think of Duo as being a ‘stalker’ – you know, the creepy ones you hear about in the news or watch in the movies - but to be honest, I do feel a bit flattered (or maybe flustered) at the thought of Duo knowing all about me before I even knew a damn thing about him!

 

I take a sip of my soup and nod in satisfaction. It tastes edible enough and hopefully, Duo will like it too…

 

Like he has a choice in the matter.

 

From the empty and half-finished cups of noodles I had spotted earlier, it seemed as if my classmate had not had anything decent to eat all this time. I dish out a generous helping in a bowl I find and place some crackers in a saucer. With a cup of water to quench his thirst, I lift up the tray and walk quietly into the room where he’s still lying as still as death.

 

At least there’s some color on his cheeks now, thank goodness.

 

I place the tray gently on the floor and sit upon the bed. I bite my lower lip for several seconds wondering how to get him to sit up and eat.

 

“Duo…” I whisper softly as I place a hand upon his shoulder and shake him a little. “Duo…wake up and eat something.”

 

He tries to swat my hand away but it’s a weak attempt. He groans instead and shakes his head slowly. “Throw…up…”

 

“This is soup…”

 

“Did…you…cook it?”

 

Goodness…why am I blushing at the question? I try to hide my flushed cheeks as I lean down to pick up the bowl. “Yeah, I did. So?”

 

I steal a quick peek to see him smiling a little. “I’m…gonna…die…for sure…now…”

 

Bastard! How dare he mock my cooking attempts!

 

But I still can’t stop the smile that comes to my own lips as I help to prop him up against the pillows. The dark blue blanket pools to his waist and I swallow tightly, still remembering how embarrassed I had been when I was taking off his clothes earlier. But he’s too focused on the food in my hands to really care about my nervous behavior.

 

I place the tray upon his lap and watch as he attempts to pick up the spoon to feed himself. His hair falls forward and again (damn reflexes kicking in), I lean closer to push them away from his face. He raises a brow at my actions and I pull my hands away quickly with a light cough and a motion for him to eat. Man…it really is getting a bit too hot in here.

 

I turn my face away trying to stare at anything but his face. The silence between us grows heavier with each passing second and I struggle to find something to say. I guess saying I am sorry should be in order, but it still doesn’t deter from the fact that he’s in school without deserving it.

 

The spoon clatters to the tray and I turn to face him again in bemusement. He’s frowning and reaching for the spoon. It is then that I notice that his hands are trembling so badly, he can barely get the soup to his mouth. He curses softly and makes another attempt but again the spoon slips from his fingers and he curses even louder.

 

“I’ll…I’ll help…” I begin but he pins me with his coldest look yet and I sigh heavily and keep my mouth shut. What’s the point of widening the growing gap between us?

 

This time, he manages to take a sip and I am unaware that I am now holding my breath waiting for his verdict on if my cooking skills had sucked big time or not. But Duo says nothing. He just keeps eating quietly and even though he doesn’t say a word, I feel a slight giddy pleasure fill my chest as I realize that he probably does like it.

 

Finally, he drops the spoon to the empty bowl and belches in satisfaction. I snicker to myself and reach for the tray only to stiffen as I feel his hand upon mine. This strange tingling sensation that winds its way down my spine is something I only seem to feel when he touches me and I am aware of my heart skipping a beat as I meet his gaze.

 

This is it! Say you’re sorry now, Heero!

 

“Eh…thanks,” he says softly and my cheeks…no I think my entire face is flushing with color.

 

“No…no problem…” I reply. (Hmm, I sound breathless for some reason and my heart won’t stop beating so fast!)

 

“Must have been the flower and wading through the stream that caused this,” he begins to explain as if he feels the need to apologize for falling ill. “I might be allergic to oleanders or something.” He laughs weakly and slumps back against the pillows. “I’ve never felt this awful before, Heero. Shit…I feel like hell.”

 

“But…but you’ll be up in no time,” I say with a small but reassuring smile. “And then you’ll come back to school…right?”

 

He gives me a sidelong glance and it takes all of my strength to hold his gaze. For what seems like an eternity, we say nothing only allowing the unspoken question to hang over our heads like a storm cloud. He slowly takes his hand off mine and I swallow tightly as I feel a chill at the loss of contact.

 

Damn…

 

He turns his face away and mumbles softly. “What’s it to you? You don’t want me back anyway, so why the hell are you suddenly acting like you give a damn about me…”

 

“Because I do!”

 

Ah hell…I just had to say that, didn’t I? But it’s the truth, isn’t it? I do care for him whether I want to admit it or not – which I just have actually.

 

But he says nothing and just remains silent with his back turned to me. I sigh again and get to my feet to take the tray back to the kitchen. I wash the dishes quickly and clean up the place as best I can. I really don’t feel like leaving him alone tonight, but I highly doubt he’ll appreciate me volunteering to sleep over with him either. Slowly walking back into the room, I slip into my jacket and reach for my school bag.

 

I figure there’s no harm in trying again even though I know I’m not exactly number one on his list of friends right now.

 

For some reason, that thought hurts badly.

 

“Will you ever come back, Duo?” I finally ask softly as I stare blindly at the plain gold initials of my name on my bag. “They…they need you back…”

 

I need you back! I wail inside but I can’t tell him that, can I? I think I’ve already sounded pathetic enough for one evening.

 

But I continue to torture myself by saying as cheerfully as I can. “The basketball club can’t do without you. Zechs needs you to sign up for election eligibility and you’ve got till Friday to turn it in. Hmm…ah, yes…” I laugh weakly. “Relena and Hilde are going to have my head if you don’t show up as well. So…so you see…everyone wants you back, Duo…”

 

For a long time, he still says nothing and it dawns on me that he must have fallen asleep. I lift up my head to stare at him miserably before walking close to the bed to pull the blankets snugly around his body. He mutters something and wriggles deeper within the warmth. It’s a rather endearing thing to see, for beneath the blanket, Duo looks so…so small and yet fragile.

 

“Come back to me, Duo,” I whisper softly as I lean close to place a soft kiss on his forehead. “Or I’ll keep hunting you until you do.”

 

I let myself out of his apartment quietly and begin to make my way back home. It’s early evening now – nighttime if you will - and as I lift my head to the heavens, I marvel at how clear and bright the moon is tonight.

 

Maybe someday, I’ll be able to watch it with Duo by my side and then perhaps I’d finally be able to appreciate its true beauty.

 

 

~End Period Nine~

 

 

 

 

*AWOL - Military term meaning Absent Without Official Leave. In layman's terms - skipping out on your duties as a soldier without notifying the authorities.